Hi ladies.
Sorry if this is long but I am befuddled. My mother is too clingy and way too dependant on me.
For the last 14 years, I have had to be by her side, she was there when my ex left, she has been there through everything ( and not because I wanted her there, she just rocked up)...she has ingrained herself so deeply in my kids lives that they feel bad if they want to do something and don't tell her about it beforehand. I have tried to pull away from her, but each time she has hurt herself (I have removed knives from her wrist many times. And dressed bruiese) Yes she has an illness, but surly that does not mean the children and I must pay for it does it?
Examples of her behaviours
• She NEEDS to know what we are doing everyday, if we don't tell her, she flips out.
° She will not make decisions on her own. That way if someone else does it and it goes wrong, she is not to blame.
• She cut off all contact with any friends, now only has me.
• She puts so much pressure on me to make things better for her (Although she knows its out of my hands)
•Not a day goes by where she is not complaing of something
• She constantly interrupts me and overrides my decisions as a mother
• She plays off my past trauma as "crap" and it cannot be any worse then her's.
•She critisizes my parenting in front of my kids.
IM's I am at my wits end. My siblings left the state, I moved to a new town, she followed me. What do I do? I try to talk to her about the situation, she behaves for a while, then its back and worse. I have tried to distance myself from her, then the suicidal threats come in. Its like having a toddler who chucks a tanty when they don't get their way.
I have spoken to her workers, her doctors and health workers, they said that that is not the person they see when she is with them.
What do I do?
Help, My Mum acts like a toddler in her 60's
Help, My Mum acts like a toddler in her 60's
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Behaviour
3 Replies
The most alarming thing is self harming, then the co dependency which kind of points to a personality disorder? Has she been diagnosed with anything? I would send an email to her Dr pointing out the behaviour you have experienced and how long for. If she self harms again or threatens it get medical attention for her, it may get her the help she needs.
It's manipulative, controlling behaviour and unfortunately the way to stop it isn't going to be easy.
You have to stop giving in.
If she's threatening to harm herself you call an ambulance.
The decision to not make decisions is a decision in itself. And there's consequences for that, so don't make her decisions for her.
When she complains (above reasonable amounts because we all need a bit of a bitch session sometimes), when she's negative, criticising, over-riding you. Leave. If you're at her place, just go. If you're out, just go. If you don't think you have it in you to ask her to leave when she's over stepping avoid having her at your place.
Until she's forced to get the help she needs she won't because you're there. If you take your family out of the equation when she's being inappropriate it'll be a big kick up the bum to sort herself out.
She’s playing you big time and you’re giving in to her. She knows all she has to do is threaten self harm and you’ll come running. Stop running. Ignore her. If she wants to act like a child treat her like one. Ignore the bad behavior and only speak to her if she has something positive to say. You’re the boss. Stand up to her and take no more. Just because she’s your mother does not mean you have to have her in your life. You owe her nothing. And having something wrong with her is no excuse. She knows exactly what she’s doing.