How do u teach an 11 yr old to be respectful?? Im am so over my DD being so self centred & only ever being nice to us (mum, dad, brother & grandparents) when she wants something or when she wants us to do some thing for her! Its all rosy until she gets what she wants then turns into a brat not long after. I have stopped buying her the little things she "wants" as she does not respect us or the item, whatever it may be. I buy her the things she needs & that's it!
She constantly asks for things, no matter where we go & I say "no, not today" & then she won't talk to us until the next conversation where she wants something 😔 So ive stopped taking her to the shops unless I have to..
Me & hubby are turning into the parents we never wanted to be. Always reminding her about how it hurts all our feelings when we are only treated nicely when its convenient to her.
We are always having to say no to things she asks for, just so she doesn't always think she is going to get what she wants coz she is "being nice" or "asking nicely"
I dont really know what to do anymore 😔 I'm becoming angry & sad all the time..
I cant even count the amount of nights I've cried myself to sleep about being a failure of a parent 😢
What have other parents done to teach there child respect & to not be so self centred??
How to teach a child respect????
How to teach a child respect????
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Behaviour, Kids
3 Replies
You are doing the right thing, not giving her everything she wants.
But if she’s got everything she wants for years, it will take a while to unravel.
These changes don’t happen overnight, hang in there, things will get better.
Stay strong, stay firm.
You need to not only cut back but cut out completely any and all treats and purchases. But at the same time, increase activities together and opportunities for her to be kind and for you to model and praise her but also to build relationship and give her a reason to want to engage nicely.
Zero money activities, like baking (something of your choice) making a craft, sewing, washing the car, simple no frills things.
Model it! Take a look at yourselves and the way you speak to her and each other. If you think she might be mimicking the type of interactions others in the house are having then you all need to make changes.
I will just say that I do also think the attitude is the age. My daughter is a year younger and she NEVER stops asking for stuff and sulks if she doesn't get her way. Life can seem very unfair at this age and sometimes we just have to let them sit with these feelings and move through them. It's no one's fault. It's like a developmental stage and I think if we just try to pick our battles and not argue. If they act out physically, deal with that behaviour. If they sulk, leave them to it. Comfort if they're sad and seeking comfort. Don't reward or punish. Just help them deal with the feelings.
Also, my daughter gets a small allowance via her Spriggy account ($10 pw cos she's 10) and that is hers to spend or save as she sees fit. There aren't specific chores she needs to complete (she's expected to contribute via any jobs we ask her to do as well as the basics - keep her room clean etc). Her birthday money goes in there too. She's already learned how it feels to save up for a much wanted item (she bought herself a sewing machine, and a new Garmin Vivofit Jnr) over time. She also knows what it's like to blow her savings on something frivolous. Anything she asks for (outside of needed clothes or school items) is saved for, or put on birthday and Christmas lists. She knows what the answer will be. Short and sharp "You can save up, or you can put it on your birthday or Christmas list." No arguments. If she chooses to sulk, I let her. We're more likely to escalate if I try to snap her out of it.