My son is diagnosed with ASD. He is 9.
Lately, all he has been is angry. At everything and everyone. We have had some family changes, and he has had a change of schools after having a year off. He is very spiteful and nasty.
He has 3 siblings. Recently he has been awful to everyone, Including me. But he has especially been horrible to his younger sister. Bullying her excessively, from making threats, to repeatedly annoying and upsetting her for his own enjoyment.
We have a house rule, no means no and stop means stop. This rule applies to everyone! He has been breaking it with his younger sister. If she says no or stop, he keeps going and going. No matter what punishment or consequence or talking to, he will not stop. He has lost privileges, sat at the kitchen table, I have had many a long chats with him about respecting people when they say no or stop along with his violence and aggression towards everyone. It has come to a point that I've had to empower my little girl to stand up to him, to keep yelling no and stop (until I can get to them and remove him from the situation). She is so scared of him, she cowers when he goes near her and she is clearly waiting for him to hit or threaten her. I'm at breaking point. I need help with how to approach this. When school goes back, I do plan on speaking to them and checking, again, that everything is okay at school, its a small school, so I feel if something is going on, someone will know. But it just seems he doesn't give a crap about anyone and is exerting his power onto his younger sister. -he has not so much as bullied the other children, but he has tried to, they don't stand for it so he goes for the littlest. Aside from having him by my side day in and day out, I don't know what to do.
Son not respecting no means no and stop means stop.
Son not respecting no means no and stop means stop.
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Behaviour, Kids, Aspergers & Autism
4 Replies
If he doesn’t have a psychologist who is a specialist in autism, you need to get one involved. This is their job to help you work through behaviours. You also might want to find a social skills group where he can learn appropriate ways to interact.
Look at teaching ways to get positive attention from people. My son at this age didn’t understand the difference, it was any attention= reward. We had to teach him how to get attention in positive ways.
All behaviour is communication: that is, he's acting out for a reason. Is he disregulated due to all the change in his life lately? Is he being bullied at school? Are the teachers meeting and accommodating his needs? Some other reason he seems to need to exert control over someone less powerful than him?
Let me be clear - this is not an excuse for him to bully his sister. She deserves to feel safe in her home. But if there's a reason he's acting out like this then it needs addressing. Definitely speak to the school, and if he sees a psychologist, get him an appointment. If not, maybe find someone who can help.
The other suggestion I have is to look into the group Autism Inclusivity on Facebook. They are an autistic-led group with lots of autistic adults who may be able to offer insight and guidance on how to help him stop. Good luck x
Don't React. I know it is harder said than done.
In a neutral voice:
"From now on, if there's any , I'm going to send you to your room without privileges and pretend I don't see or hear you. Do you understand?"
Carry through and mean it - do not lose your cool.
You can answer some protests with "You get what you get, and don't get upset". But otherwise ignore, keep sending back to his room.
Start from there. Good Luck.
And don't forget - Praise and reinforce any positive behaviour
I could have written this word for word my self. We did all the therapies, all the lessons and all the strategies out there.
For our son it was definitely when hormones started to kick in.
In the end our son has recently been put on Risperidone which can take weeks to kick in but we are starting to see results already. Less angry and far less aggressive.
I have my fingers crossed for you, send you straight and hope.