I lost my partner 9 months ago... we had children together... I am young (20’s), but I am starting to crave ‘my person’, companionship, love, cuddles, not an empty bed, no one to share my moments with, loneliness.
How soon is too soon to download tinder or something to that effect?
How soon is too soon?
How soon is too soon?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Loss & Grief
6 Replies
Honestly it sounds like this is part of the grieving process, and you might not be as ready as you think. If you really do I think you are ready to move forward with your life, you owe it to your children to make sure they are emotionally ready and settled, before you invite someone into there lives.
If you are going to date, do it discretely (don’t bring them around your kids), take a long time to get to know the person. Don’t ignore red flag etc. 9 months is not long in most people’s eyes and your kids need you to put them first.
You and your kids have been through enough already without inviting unnecessary drama into your lives.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I don't have experience of this, and it wouldn't matter if I did, to be honest.
I don't think there's any specific timeframe but I would suggest getting therapy and learning to be okay with yourself as well as keeping yourself safe, protecting yourself and your kids when entering into a new relationship. There's bound to be some trauma related to losing your partner for all of you and that can make you vulnerable to toxic types out to manipulate you.
Be safe and look after you. Much love
I think this will be a long process for you, as chatting, dating, committing will all bring up huge feelings for you and be a process you need to work through. So get started. Have a look, have a chat. You can change your mind and delete any time.
Only you know will know when you feel like the time is right. Do what you think is best for you and don’t fear being judged. Only those in your position know what it’s like.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. This may sound harsh, but you're not ready and you shouldn't pretend that you are. If you like, you can find someone just to have fun with. There's nothing wrong with that! But don't lie to someone and say you're ready for a relationship. Don't force someone to fill that role of just being there because you're sad and lonely for you when they never asked for it. I've had it done to me and it wasn't fair. I was looking for a forever person. Not to be used as a stepping stone to help get over their grief and then discarded when they felt ready. You will set yourself and them up for a world of hurt. If you download Tinder just be honest with who you meet and say you're looking for fun for now and someone just to cuddle. You'll know when you're ready and you won't have to question when you're ready when you are. Good luck x
“Grief and Happiness can coexist” - unknown
Do what you want and what you need!