Hey everyone..
I have on a few occasions caught my son being inappropriate.
When he "plays" with his mates he smacks them on the bum, or will try to hit them "there"... he will tickle under the shirts and wrestle and when I ask what he is doing he replies "just having fun".. I know boys will be boys and wrestle and tackle, but if its not inappropriate, its hitting, but either way he knows its not acceptable.
I have caught him doing similar things with his sister as well. Playing 'mums and dads' laying on top of her, making humping movements, touching her bottom and it is all just making me uncomfortable. Throughout the night he gets into her bed - he doesn't like sleeping by himself and thats fine, but im woken up most mornings to his cheeky laugh and im forever reminding him to keep his hands to himself..
He is 8, he has no behavioural or medical issues. He knows right from wrong, but no matter how much we talk about it, he continues to do the same things...
I have asked if he likes boys and explained how ok that is and he can talk to me about anything he is feeling, thoughts, emotions, urges... but he doesn't. I have also sat down with him to talk about inappropriate behaviour, spoken about our bodies and their parts and how we can't touch anyone in those areas but it just doesn't seem to sink in...
He has recently started to lie as well, which concerns me further in this situation.
Is this something he will grow out of? Is it a phase? Should I take this situation further with a professional? I dont know how else to talk to him about this situation and at 8, id like to believe its still innocent, but given the amount of times we've discussed it, I expect better of him.
11 Replies
You have mentioned all this like you are blaming him but have you stopped to think if something has happened to him. This is coming from being concerned so please don’t feel like I am being rude but I think you should maybe question him a little more. Is he in contact with anyone without you around, people who are usually close to the family. Please don’t be naive when it comes to anyone at all. You could get him to see a child psychologist. You need to try and understand why he is lying. He may have someone telling him to. Be vary weary if everyone and get to the bottom of this. I also know a family at the moment going through this with their son, and a family member is under investigation. Saying all this it could be normal for him.. child psychologist would be brilliant for him. Ask the dr for a care plan and get him into one. Also kids are school could be acting in this way.
I skipped a bit, I didn’t read the mums and dads part but I can tell you, the kid I mentioned in my reply just now who’s family member is under investigation ( that game is all they play ) mums and dads and act in this way. Please follow this up with a child psychologist.
This is something I haven't considered nor has it crossed my mind at all. He is with me 90% of time apart from school. He goes to his dads every second weekend.
I've spoken to his dad about this behaviour and he brushes it off. I ask him to have "the talk" with him but I never know if he actually does.
Thank you for your reply and for giving me a different perspective and view to look from!
Yes it’s not something we like to think of or think it could even happen to any of our kids but it does and always least expect it from those closest, which is usually is by someone they can trust. We also talk to those closest about these things, just keep that in mind now too. Nothing should ever be brushed off.Do you know who he is around when at Dads or if Dad leaves him with anyone. You just never know, it may be nothing but keep your eyes and ears open just incase. Something is making him believe this is all normal. Child psychologists will get to the bottom of it if you can’t, no matter what it is. You can get 10 visits by medicare from your gp and you can get more at the end if need be. I take my son for anxiety, best thing I have ever done for him.
Kids at school would most like be silly and muck around but not to this extent. It’s almost like someone is showing him this to be normal. I always tell my kids no one will hurt mummy and daddy so if anyone tells you things like this or ever touches you, you need to tell me.keep communication open with him and ask him in round about ways, who else plays mummy and daddy games with him when he goes to dad or any where etc. or who tickles his tummy playing, anything like this. Make it normal questioning as you can.
Don't leave him alone with your daughter if he is doing this. He needs to stay in his own bed and there needs to be big consequences if he gets into bed with her, or if you catch him again.
There’s a book called only for me. Read it to him and his sibling.
The "I THINK" Answers are dangerous...you don't know, so shouldn't speculate! TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.. no sleeping with his sister and definitely seak professional help/advice around this..I hope it is just innocent curiosity and confusion but please investigate...good luck mumma!
I am really sorry this is happening. As a professional who works with children like this…this is typical behaviour of a child that has been exposed to sex and he is playing what he has seen. This could mean he has been touched, someone is talking to them about wanting this with your child, he has walked in on your ex/someone having sex, or has been shown porn or other inappropriate books or tv.
I would continue to be gentle on explanations that that behaviour is inappropriate and bodies are private. Teach him about consent - people can say no about their body and we should ask with other people e.g can I have a hug
Read him books like the underpants rule which teaches about private parts
Stop him getting into bed with his sister as he may be inappropriate with her.
And I do recommend seeing a child psychologist in case he has something that he needs to talk about.
Sorry this is happening, it is a hard thing to manage
My 6 year old was playing inappropriately with his step sister (aged 4) last year and it was so disturbing and uncomfortable for us as adults! They were touching and licking each other's privates! Going behind the shed and also under the blankets. We were horrified and though they must have been abused but neither has. They were just curious and being silly. They are no longer allowed to shower or sleep together and we spoke to the school and got in touch with counsellors. We also read books about private parts and talked about how even if the other person says yes it's still not okay to touch other people there! I get how sickening and uncomfortable it is to deal with, especially as I was abused myself but you've got to nip it in the bud now before it becomes a big issue. Good luck and well done for seeking help xx
You say he has no medical issues. Have you had him seen to?
I had a primary school report myself to DHS because she was a touchy feely child. Not as full on as your son though. She would run her hands down people's back when walking past or just hugging them and a couple of other touching episodes. Apparently that is a sign of sexual abuse!!
We have been through the hoops with DHS, CASA and children first. All have laughed at the accusations the school had told them.
It turns out she has ADHD and that was her way of expressing herself. I would be seeing a psychologist or paediatrician. Since being on medication my daughter has stopped all of that behavior.
I wouldn't rule out sexual abuse in his life either, if he is going to his father's on weekends (read that in the replies) it could be happening there. Stop him from sleeping with his sister and stop all the alone time they have.