I am probably going to annoy people with my POV with this one...
I'm over 30 and have recently had a baby. I have some pretty strong opinions with people having too many children.. It is my belief that two children is more than enough. I feel this way because of the environmental impact of overpopulation and unsustainable living as well as people not having the financial capacity to support their children... and because of this I always said that if I were to have a baby, I would just have one.
HOWEVER I am conflicted.
Now that bub is here I don't know if I am doing him a disservice by not giving him a sibling. Like all of us, the questions about when I would be having number 2 started when he was just one week old... And at first I told everyone that asked that we were only having one. But the responses I got were so shocking that it has made me second guess myself. People tell me that "it is cruel to not give him a sibling" "oh you have to have one more". Usually, I would be confident with my decision but now I am second-guessing myself. He will have cousins and of course will be allowed to have friends over and on holidays but will this be enough? I know adults who don't even talk to their siblings!
I still believe that he can be totally happy being an only child, but I would love to hear from only children and those who chose to only have one child? Am I making the right choice?
20 Replies
If it's the right choice for you then it's the right choice!
Everyone has their own ideas of what a family is, if one child is enough for you then that's all you need to worry about. Nobody else is living your life.
One more would cripple me due to my health. I’m one and done and happy with that choice. My child is 9 and has a fulfilling life. His father has 2 more now and my son is mostly ignored for the younger kids.
First, ignore the comments. I'm 44 with both kids in school & got asked when I was having another last week!
Second, please stop judging other people's family choices. As you are learning we need to support each other, not judge based on our own personal beliefs on how many (some say none, govt says many) children we should have.
Third, have just the one if that's your choice. You're the one who has to raise them. As long as you ensure they have ample social opportunities they'll be fine. DH & I rarely talk to our siblings. Probably the only negative I've heard is an only child looks to you to play more often instead of a sibling. Mine try to deliberately goad each other so maybe not a bad thing!! Lol.
The thing is, whether you have 1, 2, 3 or more.. people still ask when the next one is. I have two, one of each and I am of the same opinions as you regarding overpopulation and 2 being enough. But I ALWAYS, always get comments from family, friends etc. asking when I will have number 3, if I am "sureeeee" I really don't want another.
I would have been more than happy having just 1 child. I absolutely adore my second but I don't think I would have missed anything without them in my life if that makes sense. And nor would my first.
Whether people have one sustainable child or ten raised on welfare benefits, it's absolutely no one's business!
Free country and all...
You have every right to make the choice that's right for you, just as every one else does.
I used to worry about what other people thought and I'd waste time justifying myself to people whom I owed absolutely no explanation. Now I just straight up tell people how few or many children I choose to have is none of their business so stop asking or commenting on it. That usually shuts people right up!
I completely disagree about 10 kids on welfare. That is everyone's business and is environmentally and economically irresponsible.
Sure but does having an opinion on it or disagreeing with it stop it from happening? No.
Does it make it acceptable to go up to someone who has 10 kids on welfare and say "you're being environmentally and economically irresponsible. Stop having kids"? Also no
My point being that you can't dictate how how many kids someone else has. That applies whether a person has zero kids or ten.
Still none of your business
This is the problem with making arbitraty judgements on others. Youre not upsetting anyone else just yourself. Really overcomplicating this for yourself arent you.
Only you can decide that. You could also think of it as, if you have more children you can educate them on the environmental issues and they too can carry this on. The world needs more good people.
For me, I had one and knew at that moment, I wanted more. I loved every second of it. I ended up with 3. Wish I was younger to have a 4th.
If you only want one then good for you, you owe no one an explanation. It isn’t cruel. What is cruel, is their judgement. It’s none of their bizz!
You do you and what makes you happy!
The first paragraph is eye roll worthy. Get off your high horse luv.
I think it’s a bit narrow minded to think people can’t financially support their children. I have three and could comfortably financially support double that number. ( mentally and emotionally would be another story for me but I’m sure some have that capacity)
If you are committed to just having one and you think your reasons are justified then that’s what you should go with.
In my profession I see a lot of children and I can almost always tell if they are only children, have siblings or come from larger families. There are positives and negatives to each scenario. However cousins and friends are great to have but no one will back you like family and that it why I chose to give my kids siblings. You say you know people who don’t even talk to their siblings. I know people like that too but I know more people who’s best friends are their family.
I always think - have as many as you want. No one else’s opinion should matter. We live in a farm and I have 4 children. I never intended to have more than two when I was younger but being out here made me want to have a hoard of them! I’d have another if I were younger. However, the only time I ever wade j to the debate is now. Your child needs a sibling - if you can of course. He will always feel alone in this world growing up surrounded by friends with siblings. He will notice this more when he is with his cousins. He’s almost one of them - but not quite. No one will ever understand you like a sibling. Even for those who don’t talk to theirs - they are there, in the world somewhere. Someone who inherently has their back. If he were to marry an only child (like my best friend) his children will have no cousins (for this reason alone they had two children). And - heaven forbid - if anything happened to you and your husband - he would always have his sibling(s).
This is all from experience. Everyone’s opinion differs but this is my two cents worth. Make sure your decision is yours. You never regret the children you have, only the ones you didn’t. Good luck friend xx
I have one child and I dont want any more.
My son is now 3 and I LOVE having just one. Me and my husband get loads of time together. My son gets our full attention 100% of the time. My son has so many wonderful cousins, he loves spending time with them but also enjoys having his own space. He is incredibly social, will chat to anyone he comes in contact with. We have so much fun. He is not spoiled with material items, instead he is spoiled with love and experiences.
Stick to your guns if its what you want. People give me shade about only having one, until they spend time with my child and realise how it hasn't affected him at all.
I grew up with siblings, all we did was fight, even now my brother and sister are always at each other.
I admire people who have a few kids and seem to nail parenting anyway. But the older my son gets the more I realise more kids is not what I want.
My parents had 6 kids and I even though I love all my brothers and sisters, I think that was too many. Most of my life my parents were on welfare.
I always vowed that my partner and I would only have the children that we could afford on our own wages. We have 2 children, would have loved a 3rd but it took us many years to conceive our first and we are now a lot older, so 2 is our limit. But that is our choice and not what someone else has dictated to us.
I have a cousin that is an only child and she never missed out on not having any siblings. She was always at her Nanna's on weekends with her other cousins. She is now a very independent adult.
I think the only time not having siblings is hard is when the parents pass away and that child (as an adult) has to deal with the loss of their parents and funeral planning alone
Siblings don’t always get on. But I have an only child and it was tough on her and myself. If I could change one thing, that would be it 110%. Little things like Xmas morning. Seeing videos of cousins opening presents together playing together showing sharing etc hurts. Now she’s an adult and I’m getting older I wish she had a sibling to lean on and help and just be her friend. She always wanted a sibling. She would of loved a brother to build and play lego and a sister to bond and be best friends with. She has tons of cousins but it’s not the same
to start with this is your choice only, I have 2 sister and can't imagine not having family, however know very well adjusted only children, how you raise them, and there personality makes them who they are. I think the biggest time for an only child is when their parents die. they have to shoulder that grieve and work alone, financially, emotionally etc and you can only hope they have great support when that time comes. This alone isn't a good reason to have more kids.
I have 3 kids and get great joy out of them , and some times i wonder what more and or less kids would be like, but I wouldn't change my world. Build a world you are happy with, even if it means admitting your pre child views may have been narrow and perhaps not how you feel now.... Or exactly as you wish
I always wanted two babies. When we had our first it was a traumatic birth and had other traumatic family things happened so we put having our second on hold until things calmed down. When my first was in kindy we tried for our second and ended up having an ectopic losing a tube and me nearly not being here because of it. We waited another year and had a miscarriage. My son would come home in tears from school because they would be doing family projects and he was the only one that didn't have a brother or sister this broke my heart and the fact that we may not be able another baby was shattering. We fell pregnant again and this time it was a success we have our missing piece of our puzzle, his big brother loves him with all his heart and has changed into this brave protector and carer for his baby brother something he may have never experienced if we didn't keep trying. My 7yr old thanks me for giving him his baby brother because that was his only wish he wanted to come true. This is our family and it is now complete and our hearts are full. Everyone's family is different with different needs and wants. You will know when you are finished having babies. Good luck with your journey x
I would never say that you ‘must’ have more than one child. But think about the life you are giving him
I loved having siblings to turn to when I was in trouble, like sneaking out, getting drunk and having an argument with my friends who I was suppose to spend the night with. My siblings picked me up, took me home and covered for me (I’m talking at the age of 16-18 here)
I couldn’t rely on my friends, and even though I had cousins and other friendship circles, I couldn’t ask them.
My parents separated, and we had someone who could relate. Even though friends and family understood, their words meant nothing as they weren’t living with it.
Later in life, us 3 siblings travelled the world together. I had previously travelled with my parents on separate occasions, and while it was fun, the memories created with my siblings are some of the best of my life.
Then I became an Aunty, and it is something so special you can’t put it into words. I love watching them grow and I am so proud of them even though I’m not raising them.
When my parents are gone, I will have my brother and sister to turn to if I need them.
This is just my experience. But do what you want and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
First of all. Mind your business when it comes to others and their family choices. Seriously the audacity of you to even judge one on that 🙄
Secondly, if you’re so worried about the overpopulation of our world, then the only right choice for you would be to have NO children. Even having one, you are contributing to the problem.
I’m not going to be nice. Get over yourself and your shitty views. Do what ever you want