I have written in here a few times over the years and each time everyone mostly said I deserve better. My few friends tell me I deserve better. My therapist says I deserve better. I know deep down that I deserve better. My kids deserve better.
He is controlling, manipulative, and emotionally and financially abuse and there is some sexual related abuse as well. I have recently finally gotten to the point where I can admit that to myself. I feel so disloyal thinking it though because when he is in a good mood things are good and he's so nice and thoughtful.
So how do I get past the guilt, shame and fear in order to leave?
I have no money, no job, no bank account, no car. I have nothing unless I see a lawyer and try to get a share of the assets, which would take time. I can't start to make moves to leave because he watches everything, especially the bank. The shelters near me are not an option as they're already overflowing and prioritise people fleeing physical violence and homelessness.
I have one supportive family member and two supportive friends. None of them can fit me and the kids in their house or help me financially. There are very few affordable houses near me and I'm not able to move any further away, even if I could afford the rent, the market is crowded and there is hundreds of people applying, all who would have rental history and income to help which I don't have.
I can't break up until I'm ready to leave because he will either get worse or will try to guilt me to staying and I have a very hard time standing up for myself and saying no.
I feel so trapped and I don't know what to do.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
2 Replies
Unfortunately it’s going to take some time to formulate a plan. Your counsellor should be able to help connect you with services and work out that plan. I’d also contact DV services in your area. 1800respect is a good start.
You can open up a secret bank account a fresh one that he knows nothing about, then you could apply for centrelink and tell them that you are leaving an abusive relationship and they will then not contact him to confirm that your separating, they can put the payments through as urgent and you then will have income he doesn't know about and centrelink may even be able to help with the housing situation ask them to be put with a social worker and they will do alot of it on your behalf.
Make an exit plan start deciding what you want to take with you and what not so you can gether it all quickly if needed.
Tell your friend and family member they may be able to make room for you for a short period of time just to help you get out of situation. Even if it's air beds for a couple of days it's a start