I have been separated for 18 months. My ex and I share custody. One week on, one week off. Because of my work it means the week I have my kids I only actually spend 5 nights with them. My eldest daughter has recently expressed that she likes the week on week off because it’s less confusing to her about where she is going to be etc.
But I am suffering intense mum guilt. I have so much pressure on the 5 nights I spend with them that the nights usually turn to shit. I feel like the week I have my kids all I do is shout at them. Then the second they leave I’m flooded with guilt and shame and a flood of tears. My ex is the “fun” dad. He seems to cope with single parenting so much easier than me.
I feel like such an awful mum. My kids are full on and hard work but instead of slowing down and enjoying the time I do have with them I feel like all we do is rush around, and then cos I’m flustered I shout at them. They are clinging when I drop them at school and instead of embracing that extra 5 mins of clinginess I get frustrated by it and exasperated. What is wrong with me? Why do I miss my children so damn much when I’m not with them, but can’t enjoy them when I am with them?
2 Replies
Use the week you don’t have the kids to do meal prep, get the washing done and the house clean and organised.
Then let the little stuff go when the kids are there. Reheat dinner, play with the kids, and push things that aren’t urgent, to when you don’t have them.
Don’t stress when you have them, let everything go. Grab some take away and kick back with them. Apologise to them and explain this to them so they know you don’t mean it. I get this this and I’m not separated. Chill and watch a movie with them instead of stressing. Cuddle them and enjoy this time.