My daughter is turning 12 in December. We don't have parties every year (usually just a family get together and maybe do something with one special friend), we generally save parties for milestone birthdays such as a 12th birthday.
(Edited to elaborate; 12 may not technically be a milestone birthday to most but it's of significance in our family. Her older siblings have all had a big 12th birthday, it's a bit of a family tradition and something she's looked forward to for a long time).
So naturally, my daughter has been planning this party since April last year 😂
Anyway, she sort of has two separate groups of friends - you guessed it, those two groups hate each other! To elaborate, a couple of girls (including my daughter) go between/are welcome in both groups and a couple of the remaining girls on both side have a fair bit of animosity towards each other.
Until now that's not really something I've concerned myself with, my daughter chose not to be involved with that drama, it didn't affect her so I just sort of remained aware of it in case I needed to act upon it, which I didn't.
I am now kind of worried that it may make my daughter's party awkward or possibly even a disaster. At best I can envision it being quite divided and my daughter will be left to split her attention between the two groups, at worst we end up with fights and drama. Neither of which are fair outcomes for my daughter on her birthday!
My daughter is adamant the party goes ahead, I did suggest maybe having a whole day of fun activities with just 2 friends of her choosing who get along but she really had her heart set on a party, especially as her and her friends are pretty much all going their separate ways for high school next year and some are moving away (our school has also opted not to do any graduation/leavers events because of potential covid restrictions). And really, why should my daughter have to miss out on her much anticipated birthday party because her friends can't be civil!
There's about 13 girls in total to be invited, not inviting some isn't an option either as my daughter doesn't want it to seem like she's picking sides and it would mean not inviting her two "best friends".
I'd love some advice on getting the party to be a success!
I'd also love some ideas for themes and activities that would entertain both younger minded 12 year olds, 12 year olds going on 15 and the 12 year olds who fit somewhere in the middle lol (yes, we're dealing with a bit of a motley crew here 😆).
8 Replies
Just do 2 different events or have your daughter explain she wants them to come, but only if they promise to be polite to everyone. That's how an adult would handle the situation so it's what your daughter should learn.
Why is 12 a milestone though? It's not an age typically considered that way? Not that I care... I'm just curious. You might have a different cultural background and educate me...
That's an idea, I was kind of hoping to keep it to one event (as was my daughter) but if there's any lingering drama or signs it will end up a shit show we may just have to go with two smaller separate gatherings.
And no particular reason for 12 being a milestone, it's just a bit of a family tradition that stuck thanks to my grandma and now it's a very anticipated event for my kids/nieces and nephews or any kids in the family lol.
Yeh that would be a big no for me.
12 isn’t a milestone so why not say one family party this year and next year things will be better hopefully
Save it for her 13th birthday! New friends, new beginnings and 12 isn’t a milestone. They will have graduation etc end of year, leave it at that. My daughter is 12 in dec also. No party at my end. She will have graduation to keep her busy and if she wants to do something she can have 1 or 2 friends to go out with but that’s it.
As I explained above, 12 is a significant birthday in our family. Her older siblings got to have their big 12th birthday party so it's been something she's been looking forward to for a while.
Her school is also not doing any graduation events or parties etc due to covid.
Oh ok, you could do 2 seperate parties same day then and make covid the excuse for keeping numbers split to 2 parties. Daytime and afternoon party. Have a 2 hour break between parties. Or have one in the evening for a sleep over later once the other party finishes.
I think you could turn this into a learning experience for your daughter and her friends. They all get over it for a few hours and get along or go home. This is what we need to do in adult situations and I'm sure a group of 12 year olds are capable of it too. Let her invite who she likes and any trouble starts send them home. Just be sure you're sending the right kid home as some kids know exactly how to stir someone up enough they make a scene while making themselves look innocent.
I think if you go ahead with one event keep it busy with activities your daughter would like to do. Don’t give too much time where they’re left to their own devices. The alternative is to host two parties which might be less stressful for all involved.