AITA…?
Myself and hubby with 2 young children live on a acreage property that we recently purchased. It needs a fair bit of work done outside to establish it and make it more practical and safe. We are also planning to renovate the house ourselves and have started little projects. We spend most weekends between doing these tasks & spending time with our kids (one who enjoys being involved in the process). We only get the weekend as hubby owns his own building business and is very busy so weekends are very precious to us.
Now my issue is we tend to have different friends rocking up unannounced or ringing half hour before saying they are coming here. It’s never a ‘quick’ visit either & it puts us on the spot no matter what our plans were for the day. Usually I’m obligated to feed them as I need to feed our family & I always end up cleaning up after their kids. There’s times these visits are 5-6 hours long or longer. I get very frustrated by this as I feel we’ve just wasted our weekend & it puts us behind on our plans. If the visit was pre-planned I wouldn’t mind obviously. I just find this rude and can honestly say that I would never just rock up unannounced at a friends house and stay for hours or ring half hour before saying “we’re just taking to kids for a drive and we’ll pop over and say hi” but stay the entire day. On one occasion my son had a temp and was snotty, I informed them of this when they arrived with their young kids and they “didn’t mind” and stayed until 5:30pm after arriving at 11:30am. My poor son was wrecked. I would make subtle comments but it wouldn’t register. Today my 1 year old is snotty and coughing, she’s not sleeping well and just wants mum. Friends rang hubby to pop over just before lunch time. I put my foot down and told him to ring them back and say not today which he reluctantly did (he feels guilty and is a people pleaser but 100% agrees that it’s an inconvenience).
Am I being unreasonable here? I don’t know how I can manage this. Help.
13 Replies
Nope! Not unreasonable. Put boundaries in place. Someone rings tell them not today as you’re busy, and suggest a day or time that does suit. They turn up unannounced, put them to work helping with whatever you’ve got planned for the day. If the kids are sick, just say no and you’ll contact them when everyone’s feeling better to make plans.
Nope, you need boundaries asap! Some of your friends are taking advantage and being massive pests!
1. Someone rings and TELLS you they're coming and it's not convenient - tell them so! Just a "Sorry, I've actually got plans today. In future it's best to get in touch a few days beforehand if you want to organise a catch up".
2. Someone rocks up unannounced, welcome them in but tell them in future it's better if they ask you if it's a good time first. If your kids are unwell and they say they don't mind, tell them you do and your kids aren't well enough for company - bye!
3. Someone overstays their welcome, again, be upfront. Say something like "I don't mean to be rude but I actually have a lot I need to get done around here, let me walk you guys out".
Not unreasonable. I would continue to do the jobs you had planned and if someone rocks up they can either sit and watch, help or go home. I have had friends help me with my gardening before and turned out to be a fun day.
If hubbies mates rock up unannounced, put them to work, if they’re mates they’ll do the jobs and help hubby get the work done, once you’ve put them to work a couple of times they’ll either keep coming over to help or not come back until hubby tells them the Reno’s are finished. if your friends rock up unannounced or call last minute. Tell them you’re sorry but you have plans today and that you would love for them to stay but you really have a lot of things that need to be done. Similarly put them to work on your gardens and things.
No but I find this strange since I would love friends that drop in and can't find them anywhere. Noone I know drops in unless it's legit 1 minute drop off, and noone I know would have me repeatedly if I did it to them.
Maybe if it's that's bad, put a chain on the driveway entrance and when they call say no not today we're just heading out.
Stop feeding them. I've noticed a considerable reduction after the kitchen closed up.
Good advice but I must say I laughed when I read this! Same thing my mum told me about the neighbours cats because they wouldn't go home 😂
I should take my own advice, those damned magpies are here more than once a day trying to scab snacks.
Agh I live on a farm and people love doing this! It’s so frustrating.
We put a gate in and it’s locked almost all the time. I’ve shamelessly hidden and not answered calls of those who continually turned up at inappropriate times unannounced .
Those that do call now know iam very busy and if they want to come to the farm they can arrange it in advance
When they phone, just say you're busy but they can come around if they don't mind you will be working and can't sit down for a cuppa. If they don't phone and are just dropping through, ask if they have 15 mins and can have a cuppa? Before they respond say you're really busy today too but you can spare 15 mins for a quick catch-up if that suits. After tea, stand up, clear cups and say it was great they were able to drop in and you'll have to Lan a real catch-up in advance when you're both not as busy.
Definitely need to set boundaries and be firmer. Nobody should be visiting anyone with a sick family member at the moment either.
Be firm in your responses.
We aren’t available today, but we’d like to invite you in x date for a BBQ/afternoon tea etc.
If people pop in unannounced keep working! But organise them to come at a future time.
Yes!
People who are flippant about illnesses are the reason why half the country is in lockdown right now.
If these people were my friends they would've got a sharp no and a door in their face if they didn't respect that I had a sick kid inside.
definitely NTA