A few months my partner and I made the decision to terminate an unexpected pregnancy. Upon deciding this we went for our ultrasound where we were told the sac was empty (7 weeks along). A few days before the termination I had cramping and blood discharge. Hubby believes that we were lossing it anyway and that we have made the right decision for our family. We have no children together but I have 3 kids 13,11, 8 and he has 1 kid. There are multiple other reasons why we chose what we chose. For the most part I feel we made the right choice for us but I still everyday feel like theres a hole in my heart. It has been made even harder to move forward as several people in my life were pregnant/ fell pregnant around this time and have recently given birth or are a few weeks off giving birth and whilst I am happy for them I can't help but think what if? I've tried to talk to friends but this has often come with judgment, or lack of understanding. And there are some people I just could never speak to about it. I try to talk to hubby but he has dealt with it in hes way and can't seem to be to help me through the roller coaster of emotions. I just feel so alone. I would love to hear from anyone who can share their experiences. Maybe it can help me deal with everything a little better.
4 Replies
Get some counseling. Everyone grieves in different ways, and you feel how you feel and need some help to sort through those feelings. I had a blighted ovum (pregnant but empty sac). It’ll be 18 years in December since that pregnancy was terminated. Every year on the anniversary of the day the pregnancy was ended I think of all the what if’s. Some years I’ll be sad all day, other years it’ll be a brief thought late in the day when I realise what the date is. But by the next morning I will have packed the sadness away again, because if I had carried that pregnancy to term I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t have my gorgeous 16 year old son, I may not have had my gorgeous 14 year old son. Be sad. Grieve for your loss. But do speak to someone to help you move forward.
I have done counseling just looking for someone who can share their thoughts/feelings with me. I myself have had a perivous miscarriage 9years ago. I lost it but my body didn't acknowledge it so 2 weeks later at a 12 week ultrasound I was told I had lost it. I ended up having up a d&c. I do think about this one in the same way as you said with yours but with this one I think I am struggling because whilst I did decide in the beginning to terminate it was a blighted ovum and so still a miscarriage. It just feels wrong to grieve. I also wanna be able to talk openly with friends and have tried but its like they don't want to hear because of the Initial choice. Everyone just expects you to move forward be as if nothing happened.
I also miscarried after deciding to terminate, it's a confusing time as you think you don't deserve to grieve. I have learnt though that it doesn't matter if your loss is by miscarriage or termination, both are a loss and you are allowed to feel that loss. We need to stop making women feel guilty for terminating and shutting their feelings down.
Yes. This is exactly what I feel its hard because I had already decided to do the termination only to find out there was nothing in the sac and so still went with the termination rather then wait for it to come away on its own. I tried to explain this to one of my dear friends but its like because of what I chose in the beginning she doesn't believe that the sac was empty. And I do feel so very guilty all the time but I know that it was the right choice for my family. It makes it incredibly hard with the stigma around termination to openly speak these things.