Hi all & thanks for your advice! My 13 year old daughter and her dad constantly fight! She is so difficult and defiant & is just not a nice person to be around at the moment, I’m really hoping she will grow out of this horrible stage. My husband/ her dad doesn’t know how to handle her at all and is constantly yelling at her and calling her names & they fight and scream all the time. I’m always in the middle. I understand how frustrating she is but I don’t agree with calling her names & the constant fighting is unbearable. I feel like we could even end up breaking up over this. Our family is broken and I don’t know what to do. If I talk to him about it, he just says I’m to soft with her & let her get away with everything which I am but I can’t deal with fighting! Any advice is greatly appreciated xx
7 Replies
It’s the way he is speaking to her, he is the adult here so he needs to back off. As hard as it is to do. She will only get her back up and be defiant.
Sit her and her down and talk to them openly about it. Tell them you will leave if this keeps up. Your husband needs to chill but keep rules in place.not everything needs an answer, so he needs to let some things go, else it will keep going and going like 2 kids.
Maybe take her to seek professional help. You can get a care plan from her Dr. It might help her to have someone she can offload with it. Instead of holding it all inside.
Maybe go and see a psych for teens (without her knowledge) and get on the same page with a parenting plan. Name calling is a no go, and what he's doing will cause huge issues if he doesn't stop. I have no doubt a psych will tell him and he'll listen to someone that's not you.
And to be fair they'll probably tell you about being a walkover as well, so you can make some agreements together.
She sounds like a normal teenager dealing with an adult baby for a dad. He needs to grow up and treat others with the respect he expects back.
Your husband needs to acknowledge she is going through hormonal hell!! Calling her names is verbal abuse.
I agree with the other comments.... But you have said that you are soft on her and that her behaviour isn't acceptable. If dad's the only one trying to enforce boundaries/expectations, it's no wonder he isn't coping. You're a big part of the problem. If you aren't a united front on things that matter, he's got no chance
Family counc3lling time. Your husband is out of line and needs some boundaries put on him. The damage he has done and is doing to your daughter can be permanent and put her at risk of mental illness anxiety depression, and suicide. No wonder she is acting out when she has a parent treating her like that! Stop allowing the abuse if your child.
Girls are arseholes during puberty! Fact! My daughter started at 14 and still going at 18. Sometimes it's great and other times she is a nasty piece of work for no reason. It sucks!
You and your husband need to be united and get on the same page before it does ruin your marriage. She'll come good but the hard years still lie ahead.