My husband has sprung on me just last night that he would like another baby. We have 3 together 17,15 and 11. I have always wanted 4 and he has always said no to a 4th so this is a suprise to me. I'm 38 and he is 40. I'm really unsure if I want to go ahead with it. We now have freedom to go out for dinner or even a weekend away with out our children. We have no family so never had babysitters. I worry about child care fees and work commitments. Our children would love a sibling im sure. I also worry about afew health issues I have that may get worse with the pressure of pregnancy. What was your experience having a baby with the large age gap and over 35? Do you have regrets? Do you feel you have lost your freedom that you had? I loved having my babies but my career has taken off and I'm in a good place to move up the ladder in the company. This would be a huge huge thing for our family but if I keep thinking about it the chance would be gone due to my age.
16 Replies
I work in a nursing home... Trust me, no one ever complains about not having more kids. This vision of crying over the child you never had for years doesn't happen as often as people think. Life is crazy and so busy and adventurous enough. Careers are important, do you really want to have to start again at the bottom? I think having another baby would be crazy.
If it was something you didn't want before he mentioned it then I would stick to your guns and say no. You are the one that will be tied down with another baby, not him. It will be your career that is sacrificed not his.
Thats a big no from me. The age gap is way to big between the last one and in a few years your current youngest won’t be interested in doing anything with their toddler sibling so he/she will be like an only child. Enjoy the 3 you have and the freedom that brings.
No way! Don't have a baby. Enjoy your freedom and go further in your career. Your husband and children will be fine.
Huge no. Geriatric pregnancy is higher risk of disability and higher risk for you. Plus, by the time that baby has children, you'll be older.by the time those kids are old enough to build really strong relationships with you, you'll probably start having health issues. Don't risk messing up your good life
No way would I have another if my youngest was 10 and I had 2 other older children. Being back at baby stage would be really hard for your older kids. All at different stages 😔.
My friend is about to have one at 45 and she is doing great with pregnancy. It depends weather you can go back to that or not. I always wanted 4. If I was younger ( now 42 ) I def would have another one. At 38 it would be now or never. Don’t do it just because he has suddenly decided he wants one after him not wanting one. What are his reasons now? With those huge age gaps, I wouldn’t. You have just gained your freedom again and the baby would be all alone growing up. The others had each other. It would be a No from me but if you really want it do it now before more time passes.
Get a puppy! 🐶
Why has he now changed his mind and wants another baby? How much does he currently do at home and with the other kids? How much is he willing to do in caring for the new baby so you don’t completely lose your career? You need to discuss these, and I’m sure there will be other questions as well, with him. You also need to discuss the pros and cons with your doctor to decide if your body can cope with another pregnancy at this stage of your life.
One of my besties had one around your age and similar age gaps to yours. Fit and healthy with no pre-existing issues, she had a horrendous time with pregnancy including GD requiring insulin, which raises her chances of developing T2D in later life. Her little one is lovely, and she'd never change it, but even she never anticipated the problems she walked away with
I had kids with a big age gap.
It's HARD.
I missed out on a lot because the kids primary school/high school/daycare events were on the same time so I had to decide which event to go to.
Things like extra curricular activities were a nightmare because I'd constantly be running around and good luck finding times and days to suit everyone.
I would 1000% NOT recommend having a baby with those age gaps.
Don't do it!
I'll be 38 in 6 years.
At that point in time my kids will be 20, 19 and 17. Technically I could have another baby at this stage but at what cost?
I want to be able to fully enjoy having young adult children, I want to be able to support them - I'd actually argue that our kids need us the most through their late teens/early 20s. If I had a 5 year old running around as well, that would really affect my ability to do that.
I'm currently 32 and have made the very firm decision to stop at 3 kids.
My health has been a big part of that choice.
My career has been a big part of that choice.
Not wanting to take anything away from the 3 kids I already have, biggest deciding factor!
I have also considered the possibility of having a child who has complex medical/health/developmental needs, would i be able to give that child everything they needed? Probably not.
I have 4. It's bloody hard work lol! I'm 35, my youngest will be 8 this year and I have just recently had a pregnancy scare and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad when AF showed up late, but in hindsight I'm so glad it did because I too am finally progressing in my career, I also know I 110% couldn't cope with the newborn stage all over again, especially with my second youngest having behavioural issues were still trying to get through and the lack of sleep from that alone is nothing in comparison to a newborn and Lord knows I'm struggling already! Yes plenty of people go on to have kids later in life, but if you're finally in a position to really start living again is that something you're willing to give up? I get it, you love your kids and who wouldn't love one more, but it's something that could potentially impact the whole family. Good luck Mumma, the struggle is real x
I am 36 and seven months ago had a beautiful little boy
I have two teenage girls
I had a lot of the same issues/feelings you were facing when I fell pregnant, it was a big shock
But now our boy is here and he is such a delight to our entire family
His sisters adore him
And having a baby at this age is actually amazing
Such a different experience compared to my 20s, in the best way possible!
I thought I wouldn’t handle the sleepless nights etc but honestly I feel like I’m doing better than my younger years. I just have so much more patience and I’m not in a rush at all
I’m just soaking it all up and it’s just perfect
Do you still feel like this? I’m 38 with a 16 and 14 year old and my beautiful partner wants a baby I’m so conflicted I want to give him one I’m just so worried about the age gap and my age. I want a baby with him but so conflicted
No! 3 is plenty! For you and society. Too many people having huge families. Why put that pressure on yourself, the family and the world. Ask your husband why he really wants more children? Could it be to keep you in a certain place? Listen to your body also! Health matters matter!!