My 11 yr old daughter is constantly asking for a mobile phone . She started yr 7 this yr and reckons she is the only one in her home room without a phone. She is always saying why don’t you trust me ? My reply I do trust you it’s the rest of the world . Then her argument is well you still don’t trust me you should trust that I make the right friends and will talk to you.
I get her argument, but I am still don’t want her to have a phone . Her school lets kids use mobile phones in class when invited for research.
Anyway I guess I wonder how many 11 and 12 old have phones and what are they rules regarding them ?
25 Replies
First year of high school seems to be pretty common. We went for a cheap dumb phone. Text and talk only.
My 12 year old has one. I think parents need to teach their kids about phone and online safety rather than just banning them altogether.
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Yer na it doesn’t work like that. My kids don’t have any and they tell me what their friends get upto on their mobiles and social media and my kids are horrified. They tell me everything and they don’t need these things to teach them. My kids know and they don’t have any.
I can't say I'm fond of the "I do trust you, I just don't trust the rest of the world" notion.
Your daughter is right, it's semantics.
Your daughter is probably also right regarding every other kid in her class having one. My kids are 12 and 14, pretty much all their peers had smart phones by the end of primary school.
The technology we currently have isn't going anywhere and it's not going to stop progressing either, unfortunately you move with the times or you get left behind!
Most homes don't have landline phones any more, most kids don't live close enough to each other anymore to simply knock on the door if they want to hang out (that's probably part of our culture that's going extinct if we're honest) - smartphones are a big, if not the main social lifeline kids of today have.
Education, moderation and supervision is in my opinion a far better approach than a blanket ban.
I don’t know one teen who has phone and technology in moderation. It doesn’t work. I do know many tens now filled with anxiety and can barely leave home because they hide behind their phones. The later the better I say.
Not having a phone won’t leave anyone behind 🤦🏼♀️ my kids don’t have them and they certainly aren’t behind. Just because my kids don’t have them, it doesn’t mean they don’t know how to use them. We all have different views and for my kids they can go without.
Why don’t you go to the phone shop and ask them about connecting it to your bill and also about parenting controls.
My boys started with a basic talk and text phone when they started high school. They had iPads for school so they didn’t need a smartphone. My eldest got a smartphone in grade 9 only because he was going on a music tour with the school ensembles. It enabled him to take photos of his trip. He also paid half.
My son is grade 9 and my daughter is starting grade 7 and they don’t have phones. My daughter was the only person on orientation day without a phone. I don’t care, she doesn’t need one and to know she isn’t involved in any of the dramas that go on in school with mobile phones, it’s a massive relief. No one can have access to her or bully her or vice versa. We are free of all this and will continue to be for as long as possible while I am picking them up and dropping them off at school, they don’t need them. I don’t care if they are the only ones, it’s a massive relief for me. I hear so much awful stuff about mobiles and social media. No thanks
Don’t do it. Once they have one it can never be undone and they have their whole lives ahead of them with mobile phones to use. I know how much I rely on mine daily for everything and I’d hate for my kids to be like this. I have 2 teens without phones. They aren’t fussed and I don’t want them having that much constant contact with friends.
I have 12 and 14 year olds who won’t be having them. Once they work and can provide them for themselves and I have no say, then so be it but until then I will keep them away from them.
Do what you think is right and don’t let people on here make you feel guilty. If you don’t want her to have one then don’t. You are mum here and it’s your decision.
The thing with these posts, all the parents who give their kids phones and most wouldn’t even know what their kids do on their mobile phones. They’ll all be against you and tell you that they need phones or they’ll be left behind. These people feel personally attacked because it’s what they do. Your daughter will be just fine without one. Stand your ground if it’s what you choose.
When I was a in high school, everyone had some form of phone somewhere between the old Nokia 3310s or the brand new fancy Razor flip phones. They all also had access to the internet at home and would jump on MSN outside school hours to chat/socialise/make plans.
I had none of this stuff because my mum was fearful of new technology (to this day she has no basic computer skills, can't use self serve machines, ATM machines, check in apps or any necessary online services - she still uses a VCR player for gods sake and she's only 55).
Anyway, because I didn't have these things other kids had I would often miss out on things like hanging out or inside jokes etc. I was often ridiculed too. I can definitely relate to how your daughter probably feels about not having a phone, that FOMO is tough!
I generally don't let what other people are doing dictate my parenting but I am also conscious of not putting my kids at a disadvantage because they aren't on par with their peers.
My kids are soon to be 11, 13 and 14.
The 13 and 14 year olds got a start phone for their 12th birthday (Mr 11 will get one for his 12th birthday too).
We absolutely have rules and restrictions regarding their phones.
I have to approve of apps.
If I call and they don't answer, phone privileges are lost.
They have phone free time throughout the day.
Their phones are turned off and placed in my bedroom overnight.
I will periodically check their phones to ensure they're behaving appropriately.
It's also puts my mind at ease now they're developing independence, if there's ever an emergency or they find themselves in a predicament, they can call someone for help.
Well said!
My daughter is 10 and her dad bought her a phone without discussing with me at all. He controls it and I don’t even have any idea how to access it. I limit her time on it at home and she isn’t allowed to take it to school but as others have said, it’s super hard to go back once they’re given a phone. If it was up to me, I was hoping to delay it until they were having to fend for themselves a little bit more, eg when I can’t pick up and drop off to school myself or when they’re working, I don’t know. Maybe that’s a dream these days.
My sister has had trouble with my 12 year old niece who was also given a phone by her dad when she turned 11. Caught multiple times sending inappropriate photos of herself to some boys. It’s flipping scary what is going on these days and all the the tip of their fingers :(
My daughter was in grade 6 last year and the only girl without a phone at her school in that grade. Many kids were caught up in dramas and photos in that grade and grade 5. I was horrified and so was my daughter. By her not having a phone, she can see how bad it is of those around her. If she had one, she would have most probably been included. It’s a huge relief knowing she can’t access what these other kids do.
My 10 year old has one (my old android phone) because she walks to and from school. She has credit and data. She must ask before downloading apps, unless they're G-rated. She co-admins our dog's Insta page 🤣 which is follow by approval only. We can ask to go through her phone at any time, and we've had excellent discussions about the reasons why certain apps or websites aren't appropriate for her. We also have a very strong security program on all of the family devices which blocks anything even slightly suspicious looking (it's a bit too sensitive, probably! 🤣) we can't stop everything but we feel like we've done everything we can to protect her
I was reluctant. I ended up finding out that Android has a thing called family link. You can control apps, time limits on aps, bed time. For apps you can set that she needs approval from you. I wish I could controle who is on her contract list but you can't. That's the only down fall
They all have phones. She's given you no reason not to trust her, when will it end? When she turns 18 and hasn't had any life experience because you "don't trust the rest of the world"?
Oh for god sake let her have a phone. Stop putting your anxiety on her by trying to control every aspect of her life.
Put a parenting app on it where you can control times, apps and see all conversations if you are so worried. Not trusting the rest of the world is a ridiculous reason not to let her. Once she turns 18 what are you going to do? Lock her away because you don't trust the world. Allow her some independence. Frankly is you keep treating her like this she won't trust you and will keep things from you and rightly so. I wouldn't talk to you about the big things either if you are this controlling and ridiculous about something so small. The amount of parents desperately trying to control every aspect of their kids lives because they don't like or trust technology and the rest of the world is pathetic. Let her grow up, prove she can be trusted and foster good habits with her. You can't protect her from the world forever so why not help her take small steps into it while you can be there to guide her through. Or keep being ridiculous about it all and watch her pull away from you.
My 11 year old got a phone for Christmas, he started high school this year and will be walking home some days so needs it (we don't have a home phone).
I use FamilyLink to set screen time limits, bed times, individual app limits etc. He can't download apps without my approval and has NO social media, and won't have for a while yet.
I am working with him to learn to use it safely etc, I think parents need to actively supervise mobile phones and this helps to teach the child as they navigate toward increasing independence. Easier to take on the role with a younger teen who still listens to parents than some older teens who 'know better'.
All his friends at school have phones except 1 that I know of. Not saying you need to do what everyone else is, just saying she's not kidding that all her friends likely have phones.
I work in telco and this is really common. She is probably right in saying she is the only one without a phone.
If you're an Android user and are familiar with android, you can use Google to do parental controls that are awesome. Using your google acc as the parent account, you can make her a children's google account. This will allow you to block her using the wrong apps (tiktok & snapchat are common with that age group but super dangerous).
I think every family is different but from someone who works in thr industry (with a background in digital marketing and social media) I think it also depends how tech savvy the parents are. I don't recommend phones for kids of parents who aren't tech savvy because you're absolutely right, it can be dangerous.
I’m going to go against the grain here, but as a teacher I would say don’t do it! Unless her school specifically lets them use them in class they become just something else to distract them at school. I teach grade 7 in high school and have a son who has just started grade 8, the amount of nonsense that phones cause is ridiculous. The girls can be especially nasty and rude to one another over social media or texts. This then follows to arguments at school. Unless necessary for safety (traveling alone to/from school) I would say no. It’s not about trust it’s about maturity and being mature enough to own and use that form of technology and very few kids are at 11. Plus if her school has rules in place where they shouldn’t be used during class etc can lead to detentions and other consequences for trying to be like other kids and sneakily use it. Good luck