Kind of sad about how in society so many say well they could just leave from an abusive relationship. I once never understood until talking to counsellors what d v is. We, the sisterhood I believe is fractured and need to be more compassionate when we have so many high records of death due to DV. No one just leaves from D.V.
6 Replies
Exactly, it's control. You're controlled to stay and you even get frustrated with yourself WHY CAN'T I JUST LEAVE. It's fear too, believing you can't cope by yourself or that your kids will get taken away because you believe him when he says you're a shit mother. Then there's the fear of not knowing how crazy he can be, will you be the next woman found dead on the news? Look what happened in Perth recently where Dad killed the kids on a visit. All of that goes through your head. There needs to be more help beyond refuges. There's not much help out there for women who need to leave, there needs to be 3 month emergency self contained accommodation, that's long enough to get Centrelink sorted, legal advice, mediation. These women are isolated and have nobody to go to, no family or friends. There needs to be somewhere for them to go.
I noticed the very same attitude in the post yesterday about the 18 year old boy who was having his phones calls from mum controlled by his dad and stepmum.
So many "he's an adult, he can leave if he wants" type of comments.
Rarely are things that easy when it comes to people stuck in controlling and abusive environments.
How very true. Even when you do manage to leave, you never manage to leave (it behind). It follows. Everywhere. No matter how much therapy, no matter how many times people say things that make sense and you think “I wish I believed that, I wish I could do that - I WANT TO” .. there’s always a “but” or a doubt or a fear.. and you’re stuck. Always stuck.💔
Absolutely so true. I don’t post now due to being told to just leave my situation when it’s not that simple. I have 6 kids, no family to stay with and all I want is him to leave like he said he would 3mths ago. He came with literally nothing and I’m expected to take my kids from the home we’ve had for 10 years while he’s been here for 3 and came with nothing but a garbage bag of clothes.
He told me he’ll take our son, my car, he’s already isolated me from my friends I did have and any new friends I get close to he ruins that for me as well. Nothing is ever his fault and he has a good way of turning it around to make me look crazy. He hates the fact I have a job and have managed to get a lot of responsibility for it and if I ever have to do work at home he tells the kids im to busy on the phone again, he’s been loud and abusive when I’ve take important medical calls for my daughter asking ‘who the f**k calls this late at night’ because ‘they called at dinner time’ and I should have just ignored the call cause ‘family dinner’ time.
When I gave birth to our child the hospital pulled one of the support people aside and asked if they needed security due to his behaviour (while I was giving. birth) but strangely no medical person asked me while he wasn’t around if I was okay or even felt safe.
The last friend I had now won’t talk to me cause last time she said something to defend me and it started a fight between him and I after they left, he abused her and her partner and blamed them for it even though it was because of what he’s said about me and I was angry about it.
For 3mths he said he’d leave but needed to ‘save up’ literally spends all his money and doesn’t save anything nor contributes and when I say anything he said ‘all his money goes into the house and kids’ no all his money goes on drugs and junk food he wants 🤷🏻♀️
I tried a DV service and got no support, I’ve tried reconnected with loved ones and no luck due to him being ever present in my world and with 3 kids with medical issues and the others starting back at school what exactly are my options apart from sleeping in a car praying I don’t run out to medical supplies for my child and not being able to access MY home.
I can’t have any emotion but happiness and if I get angry, sad or frustrated he then claims I woke up in the wrong side of the bed, it’s that time of month, what crawled up my ass and died and then acts like a god damm saint and like I’m a she devil that crawled out from hell. Then I’m confused if my feelings are even right or justified and well I don’t have a friend to ask because they are all to scared of him and what will happen if they get involved.
It’s by far easier for me to not say anything, just smile and pray he finds someone else soon cause I know the only way he’s leaving is when he’s found my replacement 🥺
So many people do not understand DV. A lot of people believe that if it’s not physical abuse (with or without drugs or alcohol involved) then it’s nothing. Sorry, but abuse is abuse no matter what form it takes, and it’s all as bad as physical abuse.
Ok so. I've been the one who left. I've been the one who asked why don't you leave. I honestly don't understand how a person can allow someone to treat them this way. There are so many forms of abuse and I will not allow myself to be treated as anything less than equal. So I have left and have asked others why they don't leave as I honestly don't see why you would stay.