Did anyone else get married young, then have children and be a sahm young, only to feel like you have "missed out" on your life? Don't get me wrong, I love my children with all my heart. But, I can't help but feel something missing when people talk about 'uni days' and 'dorm life' I never had, or careers and promotions I never experienced. Or when they travelled to here, there and everywhere else, when I have only travelled to the kitchen and the laundry. How do I get passed this? Thanks.
10 Replies
You create your own experiences. You study and may be work too. As kids get older, it'll be your turn to travel without them 🤣
This was my parents but once they hit their 40s and all kids were out of the house they traveled and did all of that with a lot more money than they would have had in their 20s :)
I had fun wild days, traveled a lot, partied a lot. I did uni but missed the uni experience because of work. I didn’t go to any of my 3 graduations. I spent all my money and am nowhere near as set up as other people are, and in your 40s it’s scary, there’s not a lot of time left when you consider finances. On the flip side, I’ve studied and traveled heaps after children as well. The point is We all do it differently so you can’t look back you just have to look forward and let that shape your future goals, and I’m sure you haven’t done Nothing in all those years either, you’re just looking at others highlight reels.
My partner and I met at 16, became a couple at 18 and were parents by the time we turned 20.
I wasn't a SAHM though, as well as parent and partner I've been a full-time worker and turned that job into a career.
My friends are the same ladies I went through senior school with.
I think it's one of those you can't have your cake and eat it too things. Have you thought of the things you take for granted that they would kill for?
I don't have uni stories, young and reckless behaviour stories, overseas travel stories, single life stories. I have parent-teacher interview stories, turning up at afternoon pickup and having to turn my tshirt inside out because there's swear words on it stories, the days I'd park down the side of the school and catch 40 minutes sleep before the bell went, typical long-term relationship quips, holidays with my family and stories of all the "firsts".
None of them have children although all want/wanted to. I can live vicariously through their stories and I share my family with them. Out of both sides I know I'm where I'd rather be.
Count the blessings you have instead of the stories you don't. There's always time to make new stories.
If you had kids young, you're going to be "free" at a young age as well. Age is but a number, and I very nearly wish I'd had kids young so that I was closer to being free now in my 40s. It's definitely not too late for the things you want to do
Yes I feel like that. I was pregnant at 18 and I happily gave my life to my kids, I'm now 40 and I feel like I missed so many basic experiences, like travel, relationships, jobs. I've never even been to a club! I feel too old to start a career.
And while I do have a lot more free time I don't have many people to hang out with because they still have young kids!
I console myself with watching the movies I never got to see, or reading the books I didn't have time for. I buy myself nice clothes and go out for breakfast every weekend. I'm also planning a big holiday so that I'm looking forward and not in the past
You’ll find your people without young kids at work.
40 is definitely not too old to start a career...
I had 3 kids by the time I was 22. And another 5 by by the time I was 32. So I had 8 by 32 while all my friends were having their firsts at 32!
They had beautiful careers, gorgeous homes, extensively well travelled, the latest cars, the fullest wardrobes, hottest hair styles, latest beauty treatments, and the most elite dinners out.
I was a tad jealous.
But I'm 50 now, they're still raising kids and have careers on hold, or quit altogether , while all my kids have families of their own now, AND I got that high end career of my own in the end with all the trimmings too while its my friends now who arent in that lifestyle anymore! It's just not your time yet. What's coming to you will , when they're all elbows deep in dirty nappies, you'll be the one to finally have fun things just for you to talk about and connect with others like yourself.
I know how you feel as this was me. I had my first at 18, second at 20 third at 24, forth at 25, fifth at 32 and sixth at 34, with hubby still wanting a seventh! Hubby went to uni while I was home with the first two, I've worked on and off between kids with the obvious exception between 3 and 4. I now work with my eldest and my younger two attend daycare
Sometimes I feel like I've thrown my life away as we have never traveled or gone on big holidays but I also have a big family who I love so much. So many of my friends haven't even started yet! Soon we will go on holidays with our kids but we can also go without them as our eldest is happy to keep an eye on them.
I'm planning on starting uni and becoming a teacher! Your never to old to learn! I think you need to find out what you want to do with the rest of your life! And talk to your hubby about going on holidays to create memories with your children!