Hey there if you choose to post this could post this anonymous I would really appreciate it 💜
I feel like an imperfect Mum right now...what would you do?
Backstory: I have 3 kids older 2 are diagnosed ADHD and ASD and my youngest is in the process of diagnosis for both. It is genetic.
My daughter is a social butterfly 🦋 but her boundaries aren't really well developed she can become overwhelming and clingy (she suffers separation anxiety with Mum and Dad) but can get like this with her friends to a point.
When I drop my daughter off at school she cries...a lot... but settles soon after once I am out of sight.
I picked my daughter up and found out she got a lunch time detention...4th week into prep🤦♀️ I ensured she had no electronics at home as an extra punishment and explained how disappointing it was to hear she got this... the teacher said she was flat out refusing to do her work and just sitting there saying no...something I really thought she would preserve for home. She has never had this behaviour at school and the teacher was shocked.
My daughter has a friend in her class, this friend lives next door to us and yes she would yell out and they would play daily BUT I was very clear to the parents if it was too much or they didn't want her to play be open and honest and I'll chat to her about it...they were fine with that their son is also autistic and I thought they would have a fair understanding that boundaries are often issues with ASD.
Turns out this year they are in the same class they get along really really well and play really nicely. I THOUGHT...
This morning my daughter told me her "friend" said he can't play with her anymore because his parents said she is too naughty and her house is too messy... apparently he says he can play with all her friends except her and it got to the point where at least one girl doesn't want to sit next to my daughter because of it...This all occurred before the defiant behaviour (which she had never had at school and the teacher said she was never like that and it shocked her) I believe my daughter was heartbroken and did not have the words or ability to express what was going on.
I quickly had a chat to the teacher this morning who responded really well to the conversation as I asked her to keep an eye out and how I believe there may be a link between the feelings and behaviour which she agreed but do I talk to the parents in a "casual" way? Do I leave it? I am not going to lie I am sad and emotional right now as it is raw and fresh.
Obviously not everyone has to be friends or like each other which I explained to my daughter and have done many times but I feel our family has been judged (the boys are loud at home and I am sure the neighbours have heard them).
Thanks for your time I appreciate your answers and opinions xx
5 Replies
Your neighbours sound a bit nasty. Nothing like a child to let it all out though so I guess at least now you know what they are saying. I would have a chat to them and tell them what their child said. Also tell them their child is causing a bit of exclusion at school because of it and you have had to discuss the issue with the teacher. Keep it all nice but also try and make it clear you won't have petty crap at school, that's not good for either child.
I would have your daughter change class. Sounds like this family will cause trouble and blame your daughter for everything. Best keep them seperate so your daughter can make her own new Friends and keep away.
I'm in 2 minds. On the one hand, I can see that a child might say this having got the complete wrong end of the stick and taken a conversation out of context. We have neighbours that their kids come to our house regularly. Throw in some diagnoses and whatever is going on at that moment in time and I might say no as well. As a common 'no' would be that the boys are not welcome in our pool because they don't listen and are unsafe. Those qualities are MUCH less of an issue with a lot of other things though. I like the kids and they're good for my 2. My son did repeat that without context once though and when I found out, I explained.
On the other hand, they might just be a bit judgey and intolerant. In which case, the kids will probably grow up to be like that over time too and staying away might actually be protective for your daughter.
Your poor daughter. I would go and talk to his parents and see what vibe you get. Sometimes children can twist their words. Is changing school an option?
That is very emotional to go through. I agree there seems to be a link. But I would leave it be with the other parents. See what happens. If you go into bat every time you will be coming at heads through the whole schooling life.