Curious to know how many women over 30 have ASD. What made you get tested and how long was the process.
I am starting to think I may be on the spectrum. I have issues reading people and understanding their emotions. When someone speaks to me or if I read something I sometimes struggle to understand what they are saying or want from me. Also when people are talking to me I tend to black out if you will and not focus on what they are saying and my mind goes elsewhere.
Any info is appreciated.
Women over 30 with ASD
Women over 30 with ASD
Posted in:
Aspergers & Autism
5 Replies
ME! I was diagnosed in my late 30s, so about 10 years ago.
For me, I’d always felt I was missing something. I had friends, but was kind of on the outer and wouldn’t pick up on things that seemed obvious to others. Probably a bad example is it felt like everyone would just turn up to school with a yo-yo and I’d be the only kid without one in the friend group. A lot of stuff just felt like a mystery to me.
I struggled to make deeper relationships, I could do ok if conversations were on a ‘script’ but when deeper conversations were required I was lost.
Autism wasn’t on my radar until my son was diagnosed at 2.5years old, and over the years things just clicked, although I still masked ok so whenever I brought up the discussion with my parents etc the dismissed my concerns.
I went to a conference and one of the speakers was presenting on women and autism, and I was like ohhhhhh, that’s me.
I'm just shy of 30 and I came to the realisation when my very autism aware partner mistakenly thought I was diagnosed. I'd wondered why this relationship had been so much better and "easier" than my others up to that point. Turns out he'd just been letting me be my autistic self and I wasn't exhausted from masking or being expected to mask.
He sat me down and explained the reasons he had believed I was autistic, having known me for well over a decade. I then thought about other signs of autism and realised that holy crap, I'm pretty sure I'm autistic.
I did tests, like the Baron-Cohen AQ (you can do it online), I wrote comprehensive lists, I joined support groups and pages like I Was Autistic All Along? and it gave me so much relief.
Please know that self diagnosis is widely accepted within the community because there are barriers to diagnosis.
I'll add, the things I found most relatable that stood out to me were:
- autistic love languages
- burn out & hibernation
- sensory overload (I CAN'T listen to Dubstep. Like, I just can't. It feels like someone banging pots and pans right next to my ears while I'm on the freaking Tilt-a-Whirl, I can't explain it better than that)
- special interests (I have really niche special interests. I met someone once who actually knew what I was talking about and I got so excited that my brain literally overloaded and I couldn't even speak. Yet I know so SO much about this particular topic)
- stimming (i didn't realise how much I did this until my partner pointed out that I have specific body movements for specific things. I hand flap when I'm excited - it's not "quirky", it's stimming 🤣)
- info dumping (we call this "activating the autism" in our household. If my partner asks about a specific topic, I often respond by giving a huge, long-winded spiel - think Sheldon from Big Bang. Even my response to this post is an example of that lol)
There's lots of little things that I never even realised I did or that I didn't realise were not neurotypical until I went on this journey. There's a lot of fantastic content on TikTok which has helped me feel less alone (in a world where I've always felt I never fit in, never felt understood) and has helped me see some elements of myself. It's helped me to be more at peace with myself and encouraged me to be at peace with myself. Since I've started treating myself as autistic, I've given myself "allowances" that I didn't before. I "allow" myself to hide under my blanket for half an hour if I need it when the kids have been crazy loud. I need the comfort and weight of the blanket, not just the silence. I "allow" myself to express myself however I want. I "allow" myself strict routines in the household. I "allow" myself to not go to social events if I feel they'll overwhelm me, or to have a "go nowhere" day once a fortnight where I don't have to brave the outside world. I "allow" myself to ask questions about things that other people seem to just "get".
Since I've done this, my stress levels have significantly dropped. Like, tenfold. I don't feel like I'm battling a constant exhaustion and anxiety that turns to crippling depression. My entire life I've felt like I'm walking a tightrope between an anxiety attack and heavy depression. I now, for the first time in my life, feel human. I feel understood. I feel so much less confused all the time. I sleep better, eat better, enjoy myself more, I have more energy, more strength to get through the day and most importantly, strength to get through hard times.
What a great reply. You've taught this 'neurotypical' mum a lot in just this one response. Thanks!
I have suspected for the past 2ish years that I'm autistic and ADHD. I'm 41. I have my ADHD assessment in a few weeks, after several years of putting it off. I intend to discuss autism with the psychiatrist at the same time.
My traits have become especially pronounced since I became a mum but they've always been there