Hey guys, my story starts with my son, he's 6, he's was diagnosed with ADHD combination type, Autism lvl 2 with no intellectualdisability, ODD, PTSD and anxeity back in September last year. This diagnosis hit me so hard!! Im a single mum and his father is an alcoholic and hasn't seen him in over a year (I guess it's just too hard for him) he dose have some questionable parenting and has caused a lot of anxeity in my son, so I guess it's good he's not around.
I engaged a behavioural therapist, psychologist and a speach therapist but working full time and being on my own with no support, and having my sons behaviour get so bad that I was leaving work weekly to run to the school because he's climbed a tree and gotten on the roof of the school or hurt someone, or he's run off out of the school because he refuses to go to after school care, it just got way too much for me! Everyday I was up at 5:30am at work by 7:30am worked an extremely demanding job, finished at 5:00pm, got home at 6:00pm then on top had 3 1hr appointments at 6:30pm every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. After cooking, cleaning, homework, reading and the whole shower routine I wasn't in bed till 11:30pm at the earliest!! I burnt myself out and had a mental brake down!!
I ended up quitting my full time job, applying for disability and working casually. I now work school hours 2-3 times a week so I can do what I need to do as a mum, running a house and attending appointments for my son. Problem is going from earning over $1300 a week to basically 1/4 of that is tiresom!! I do own my own house but making payments on what little money I have leaves nothing to spend on my kids and the pantry has gone from being full of choice to bare necessities. I do have NDIS to cover my sons appointment, which I'm thankful for but Im so angry all the time and so upset, I worry so much about where I'm going in life, I dont date and have been single 6 yrs. What's made me so angry is that I have made these sacrifices to be able to help my son but his father is no where to be seen and couldn't give a dam!! He doesn't even pay childsupport and earns over $110,000 a year in a job I got for him with my connections in his industry, he goes on holidays all the time, owns 3 cars and is basically living his best life while I struggle to take care of our child, recieve little support and have to gather all my pennies together to even be able to pay for petrol to get my kids to school. I have a 10 yr old girl too who is with me all the time because her father lives over an hour away, she is sooo helpful but she has lost some of her childhood when I worked full-time because I couldn't keep up and she shared my load, which also added to my decision of quitting my job and working casual.
I guess what I'm writing in for is some tips on budgeting, some tips on getting over my sons fathers life and tips on how to make my mental health easier to deal with, I am on medication and see a therapist but I still struggle! I really should be grateful I have a house and a job but I'm still sooo angry and some days I just can't help but cry on my floor!!
5 Replies
That’s really rough! Are you able to go through the child support agency?
Life is stressful either way! More money more juggle, less money more stress around budgeting.
Be kind to yourself! You have a lot on your plate and it is ALOT! It’s ok not to be on some days. I will say as a child growing up with a single mum - some of my favourite meals were the ones (unknown by me) she made when she was the brokest!
Pay a little off your bills every week wear them down slowly so you don’t feel like your sinking when they come in.
Best of luck lovely x
It sucks, I get it, been there done that. Now have a close to 30 year old son with severe disabilities who I have raised on my own.
The younger years were the hardest for me. Dad ran away, paid occasional child support and it felt like life was stagnant and I was grieving the life I thought I’d have.
You are going to need a mental health care plan for yourself. Speaking to someone and reframing the way I saw some things really helped me switch off the energy sucking anger for my ex. All that anger was just making me miserable and not moving me forward.
As for the food, start utilising free food/cheap food options like food pantries etc. there is no shame in it and you can still top up your shopping from the supermarket. It will take the edge off.
You may need to evaluate your housing options going forward. It may not be realistic long term, compare the stress to renting/expenses/ to selling. Look at all the options. Even if staying is the best option, you’ll at least know it’s worth the fight.
Cancel any subscription services that aren’t totally necessary. It’s amazing how quickly we don’t notice what’s creeping up.
Start shopping second hand.
You’re doing the right thing, your son needs you and you being present and calmer and having time will make all the difference. It won’t be forever, remember he will grow up and school will get easier. I’d say once he’s 8 he’ll be soaring. So just try to enjoy this year or two, knowing you’re doing what’s needed, and you can kick back into fill time work and earning as soon as he’s sorted. (Or maybe 4days or a 7 day fortnight is more realistic balance for a single mum in your shoes)
I assume the PTSD is related to his bio father?
If that is the case, surely his mental health team have said he should never have contact?
I can’t even fathom how horrific it must be for a six year old to have PTSD, the poor little thing.
You are doing the right thing for now, but as a single mum I understand the struggle.
Can your job be done full time remotely?
Could you have a boarder move in, pay some rent, share utilities bills?
Also when international students are back, if you have a spare room, could you host them?
You get about 180 week where I live.
The guy is an alcoholic so I guarantee you that he is miserable, living a life he hates and hates himself. That is why he drinks. I know this as i am an alcoholic. Though Ive been sober for over 2 years now. Focus on that when his lifestyle gets to you.
I know how you feel. I have 4 kids all with different Special needs. My eldests father is a lowlife lying pos who is the elected mayor of his local council area. It used to annoy me but now it's just hilarious. He is a lying piece of crap who emotionally abuses his wife and neglects his kids. I pay for his kids birthday and Xmas presents and but food for them at least once a week. And I live 3000km away. My son lives there instead of with me to take care of his younger siblings. Ive tried to support his wife but she is too far down the rabbit hole and is seriously mentally ill due to his abuse. But hey he is a great guy who fights for his constituents and really cares blah blah lol
Budget wise join Simple Savings. It's worth every penny. And saved us when we lived below the poverty line.