Blended Families. Partner and I moved in together recently. We both have 12 year old sons. I have mine week on week off whereas my partners son is with us permanently.
Our sons go to the same High School. When my son is with us stepson and he get along really well. Every week my son isn’t with me stepson makes little comments to my son at school about what he’s doing with him not there ie playing in his room with his Xbox, going out for dinner and etc.
Had many discussions my son about not reacting but yesterday at school he did and they had a fight so is now suspended.
My partner has made me feel like it’s my fault by not talking to me about it and has now mentioned that maybe he should look for another house and saying “are we going to work”.
I don’t know how to think or feel but I do know that I don’t want a relationship in separate houses. I know my son is no angel and I always tell my partner that however he believes his son does no wrong and thinks my son starts everything.
How do we make these children get along? How do we deal with this?
Blended Family
Blended Family
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
9 Replies
He shouldn’t be playing in your sons room, with your sons things if your son isn’t there.
That room should be off limits.
Even in a non blended household it would have been unacceptable for me to help myself to my sisters belongings when they weren’t home.
It’s basic respect.
It sounds like your step son is an antagonising little shit. Do you go out when your son is there? I think many blended families make the mistake of going out and doing fun things and buying good food when there's less kids at home. That's not fair on the kids especially if the other house is doing the same. Imagine getting yo yoed back and forth and hearing about all the stuff you missed out on every week. Just try and save that for when your boy is home and put stepson in his place, no special treatment for him while your son is not there. Also buy a lock for your kids bedroom door.
He is using this to bribe you slyly.. tell him you think it’s a great idea and bye! Your son is the most important here. You partner needs to understand that you can’t have your kid full time and the other kid shouldn’t be doing this to your son. Too hard for me. I’d let him go. He doesn’t sound that keen if he’s ready to walk that easy anyway. You need to be tough from the start with him else he will forever use this anyway. Tell him to go.
See if you can have your son back full time.? Does your partner realise what you have sacrificed here? His son sounds like a shit stirer and your partner should be having words with him over it. Your son must be missing you when he isn’t with you. He would be feeling it enough already. Knowing another man and his son are with his mum when he isn’t, Would he so hard on him already.
Your partners kid sounds a lot like my step brother. He took great pleasure in antagonising and taunting us because we weren't there as often but in his mother's eyes, he was the golden child.
I was in the same grade as him but thank god I wasn't at the same school, I could not have tolerated that little twirp's shit at school as well as at home.
Your poor son has no escape!
I tend to think your partner is right though, this relationship probably won't work with these sort of problems, especially not if one parent thinks their child is a vision of perfection. Maybe it's time to cut your losses...
Are you sure they get along well when together? Are you sure your son is jealous with fomo? Talk to him and find out for sure what his issue is. Then set boundaries. It must be so so hard for a kid to know another kid is living with his mum when he’s not. Maybe you leaving for a few days that week is your answer for now, so this kid is just talking about what he’s doing with his dad, wouldn’t cause the same hurt would it. Or at least go to your own classes or friend/family dinners and encourage dad son time so you can tell your son you’re not there, that’s their thing. If that is the problem. I lean with the others that stepson is an antagonising shit.
Doesn’t sound like they “don’t get along” sounds like his son is a horrible, manipulative brat.
I can’t stand it when people put it down to “fighting” and so the victim gets put in the same category as the one who instigates it.
I would rather live in separate houses than have my son put up with this bullshit.
What’s next, your son may want to live full time with his dad to escape the nonsense.
It could be so easily solved if your partner stepped up, but he’s not, so you deal with the cards you’ve been dealt.
Remember, your sons watching where your priorities lie.
I would 100% be showing my son that I believe him and agree to seperate houses unless your partner agrees to treat both boys fairly.
Your boy needs to know he is more important than a relationship.
Blended families are so hard.. my ex and I had 3 each and then 2 together. It was always his kids vs mine in his eyes. He thought we should only do the “fun” stuff when his kids were with us, his kids would brag about everything they did at their mum’s but for my kids, mum’s (my house) was always boring unless his kids were there. It then slowly came out that my ex was lying to me and getting his kids to lie to me about different things (eg. when he wouldn’t come straight home so they could do “extra stuff” after picking his kids up to come to our home for their time with us). It starts small and then it gets worse and becomes very messy. Try family counselling or at least couples counselling. Maybe with the help of a therapist you can help your partner see that his son is also playing a part in the crap between your boys. If that doesn’t help, take your son and leave. Good luck. I really feel for you and your son.