Hi Sisterhood, please don’t ride me. I do love my children but as they’re entering the teen years… getting glimpses of the humans they’re becoming, I don’t like them. I feel like it’s a matter of buckle in and wear consequences of what I’ve created. It’s like they’re the opposite of what I’ve dedicated myself to. I don’t even think they like me.. but I know they love me so the feelings mutual. Surely I’m not the only one to feel this way at some point?
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They are still kids. Once they get past the hormonal bit they mature in every way. Keep guiding them your job is not done yet.
Kids can all be unlikeable at times. Particularly when they're right in the thick of puberty, some parts of their brain are still developing during this stage and the parts of their brains that do work are competing with raging hormones.
That's not even considering physical changes, navigating all these new social dynamics, high school etc.
That doesn't mean any of this is set in stone so dont throw in the towel, they actually need more guidance (and patience) during this period than they ever have or will.
Continue leading by example, pull them up on bad behaviour and make some changes where necessary.
They don't like you either!
I think a lot of teenagers are pretty revolting, there are some amazing ones too, but how you are as a teenager isn’t alway predictive of who you turn out to be as an adult.
Gosh, I look back on my teenage self and cringe. I wasn’t cruel but clearly I was still learning.
There were some truly shitty people I went to high school with who aren’t shitty adults.
Teenagers still need parenting and they are still growing and learning. They are going to make mistakes, be mean, there hormones are raging and brains haven’t finished developing yet.
I bet if you look hard you can see qualities other than the negative ones.
I think it’s awful to say I love you but I don’t like you. My mother said it to me and we’ve been estranged for most of my adult life, never close.
It’s not too late, teen years it’s very important how you parent and what tack you take, parenting courses can help you if you think what you’ve done so far hasn’t shown the results you wanted - try something else.
I'm petrified of what my son will become. I see prison in his future, and it scares me and I feel like I failed. I don't have him, but I do hate how he acts. I'm doing everything I can, like theropy, councelling, one on one, but as he gets older the harder it is to control his out bursts that some times I fear him and he's only 11
My son has always been very difficult, he has childhood trauma from abuse from his biological father as a child. From the ages of 8-16 he was awful! He’d make up some horrible stories about what a rotten parent I was. How much he hated me. How he hoped I’d lose him and his siblings to child safety, called me terrible names and god I don’t know how many times I called the police or an ambulance due to threats of suicide or actual suicide attempts. But I held on, for all the curse words he screamed at me, for all the holes he smashed into my walls for all the times he threw things at me I told him I loved him but his behaviour was hurting me. I believed wholeheartedly he’d be in jail or on drugs by his 18th birthday. We did therapy every week for so many years I lost count, youth support programmes, special education, and cried so many tears I lost count of the days.
I stand here proudly to say, my son is now almost 18. He is the light of my life and the love of my heart. He’s calmed down. He’s got a job he hates but goes every day. He’s grown, blossomed he graduated grade 12 (through a special education program) and I am oh so damm proud of him.
Hang in there mumma! Never ever lose faith in the possibility that your son can become all you’ve ever wanted him to be. In his darkest days he can now tell me now he didn’t hate me as much as he hated himself. ❤️
They can be pretty unlikeable at times, especially in their teens.
Can you identify specific things to work on?
Ahh Preteens/Teenagers... just imagine they get possessed during these years by some night loving, egotistical, 'I know everything and you don't' hormonal monster. This is not who they are, they are trying to figure it out which is why these years are so tough. Take comfort that their brains keep developing until mid 20s and the weight of the world seems to humble them somewhat. These are the years where they are more influenced by their friends but they tend to come back to family later on. I recently told my daughter she's going to think she knows everything and offered to give her a phone number to NSW Health so she could argue with some random other lady for an hour instead of me. We both laughed and she told me she finds it annoying when I'm right 😆 You don't have to like their behaviour right now and you can still love them :) Give them time and try not to be so hard on yourself or them x