I feel like a bloody cop out saying this, but when do you finally leave?
I don't even know ow what I'm asking...
Mid 30s, life is getting worse and worse (and we're the only factor that hasn't changed in out situation, so clearly us as a marriage is the problem)
3 kids and I just can't get past the feeling that if I walk away now, I'm taking the easy way out and giving up.
I can't take the kids away from the life they have, just because they can't see how shitty it is...
Did you have a definitive moment qhere you just knew it was right and you did it or am I going to be the mum that stays for another 20 years for the kids sake...
5 Replies
When you start asking the question "when do I leave", it's probably time.
Also, walking away from an unhealthy/unhappy/toxic/abusive etc relationship isn't taking the easy way out, nor is it a cop out. Leaving is hard, it takes quite a lot of strength, determination and resilience to rebuild your life.
Staying and enduring "life getting worse" because it's convenient or because you want your kids to keep having all the materialistic things they've become accustomed to IS a cop out!
You're naive if you think the kids aren't being affected by a failing marriage on some level.
I didn't find my relationship improving until I did a lot of work on myself.
Independence, self confidence, self assurance.
Is there anything there? I'm not saying change for the sake of your relationship, I'm saying you could be throwing it, and your children's family, away based on unhappiness and it may not be the marriage causing it.
You don't have to tell us the details, but do go and talk to someone about it. They'll help you unpack the issues so you can make an informed decision.
I stayed for my kids believing I was doing the 'right thing' for so long. Then I realised my kids were learning this is the way a relationship should be, so then I decided to leave for them instead. The only regret I ever had was that I didn't leave earlier.
I just knew one day that I had to go, the thought of staying with him one day more gave me panic attacks.
My kids some now adults, thank me for leaving, although it was hard for them at the time, and they were very upset. They can now see what a destructive environment it was.
I couldn’t be the mother I wanted to be while he was there. So I chose myself for my children, he made me miserable and they picked up on it. The absolute best decision I’ve ever made. Wouldn’t and couldn’t stay for all the tea in China.
If your miserable, it’s time to go, you can’t be the best version for your kids when he affects so much of your happiness.
Big hugs :) my only regret is that I didn't leave sooner. Staying caused more issues for my kids than leaving. My marriage was quite toxic and my "moment" was when I realised I was teaching the kids to tiptoe around there Dad. I wasn't doing the right thing by my kids by staying. I was teaching them that it's ok to be treated badly and you should stay anyway. 2 years out now and it's the best decision.