Daughter with behaviour issues

When my second daughter was 2 -3. She would have these epic meltdowns and scream all day long when she wasn’t getting her own way. The screaming meltdowns got so bad that I would have to shut up the house to stop the neighbours having to listen to it. My husband was extremely unsupportive who was always working, so never really witnessed it and basically blamed me saying that we stressed each other out and she was jealous of her baby sister. I had a few people comment and say they thought she was on the spectrum and I seeked out help. They basically told me she was highly strung child and was basically was misbehaving to get a reaction.
So I joined a bunch of parenting classes, because I wasn’t coping at all and I hate to say it. I dreaded being alone with her. When I was in the parenting classes, they introduced me to a lady who comes out to your house and helps set up a special plan for your house. It was lots of distraction activities , ways to cope with the meltdowns and lots of strict time outs and lots of visual sheets around the house, so she knew the rules. I then fell pregnant again and it was hard work. But it worked amazing for her toddler age. My husband tried to take all the credit when everyone would comment on how well she was doing, but he did bugger all.
Now years later we have reached school age. She has reverted back to some of the issues that was happening when she was toddler. I think she is not handling the having to go to bed and having to wake up and get organised for school as it’s a major new change. She refuses to pick up after herself and she has reverted back to the high pitch screaming when she is not getting her way. Im exhausted , the other kids are exhausted from the screaming. Because she makes going out doing activities, so much harder as she doesn’t want to follow instructions. Going to bed is a fight , packing up her colour in pencils and toys is a fight. Getting dressed is a fight , letting me brush her hair is a fight. She is doing excellent at school and doesn’t act like this at school. So yet it’s up to me to kick this behaviour in the butt as I will not have support from the husband. Like when I told her she had to go to bed as it was 11 at night and he told her she could stay up because it was the holidays and I said no. So she lost it and screamed herself to sleep. I have started by getting some mission magnets, so she has visuals on what she needs to complete every morning. Is there any online programs I call follow , books I can read. Because me and the other kids are exhausted.