Recently became a blended family.
My boys live with us week on week off. Partners son is with us 100% of the time.
My partner is always blaming my two boys for everything. Ie chocolate missing out of the fridge, kids swearing, dishes not done. His child will have a toy and he will be fine to share with my kids but my partner tells him not to as they will break it. Basically anything that happens is my kids fault. I know my kids definitely aren’t angels and I always say thing. There is blame on both sides
How do I broach this subject with my partner without causing a war. Everytime I mention something regarding his son he says I’m picking on him and doesn’t speak to me for days.
His son walks in the house after being somewhere and doesn’t even acknowledge me.
Blended Family
Blended Family
Posted in:
Kids
15 Replies
You become a single parent family, that's how you fix this. You only recently moved in together so this is only going to get worse. Realise a mistake was made by moving in and do what's best for your kids.
This ⬆️ Makes me so angry when parents but their own needs before their children.
How rude! She is entitled to just like the children father has prob done. Go take your anger elsewhere. It’s not your call. If she felt like moving in was right then that’s her choice.
It's not rude, it's honesty. How do you think this will go if he's already acting like a jerk to her kids and treating his child like he is perfect? It won't go well at all and it will only be a matter of time before her kids don't want to go to her house. Very immature to compare lives with your ex, he's doing it why can't I mentality is pathetic. My advice would be the same if this was a Dad writing about this exact scenario.
I’m not saying that. I’m saving what’s done is done. She moved him with him and probably already regrets it. She just needs a little kindness and support that’s all. I am also saying, so much is thrown at the mother.She probably thought it was the right thing to do at the time. Weather she waited 6 months or 2 years to live with him. You never really know until you do live together.
You get you and your kids out of this toxic dynamic asap.
This is not ok. He’s not going to change, he’s just going to give you the silent treatment.
This is what happens when you move in with someone before you've really gotten to know them properly.
You're never going to get a unified family dynamic with a man who gives the silent treatment and is unfairly biased towards his kid.
I hope that going back to living separately isn't going to be too difficult for you because as everyone else has said, that's your only solution.
LEAVE, it was over before it began.
Umm this would be too hard for me and I wouldn’t put up with it. It won’t change, no matter how much you tell him. His son needs to be pulled into line, for not even saying hello when he walks in. Def not acceptable. I don’t think this relationship will work living together.
OMG so true! I once had one of son's friends walk into my house and not acknowledge me; he has not shown his face here again. I would never allow that sort of disrespect, the fact it's coming from her step son just tipped the disrespect scale waaaaaay beyond anything close to being acceptable. It's not easy to leave, you can't just walk out (although if it is your house step son and former partners bags would be packed and outside in a few hours) however if you rent it makes things very difficult, bond (whatever else goes into securing a rental). So whilst you do what needs to be done to move on you need to be very clear that immature, selfish (x) partner (seriously? The silent treatment? you really don't have to think too hard why the step son behaves as he does when this is the reaction of the father. I couldn't possibly find anything attractive about a man who behaves that way 🤮) and his son are on their own in terms of cooking, household chores, washing etc you will do yours and your children's when they are with you. You pay 1/3 of all bills (maybe a little more when your kids are there) you buy your own groceries and as soon as you have everything ready you leave. How you fell in love with a man like that I (personally) don't understand; is the male role model you want your own son's exposed to 50% of the time? Maybe its a self esteem thing in which case someone you have never met telling you can do better isn't going to have any impact however I will say it. YOU DESERVE BETTER, TO BE RESPECTED, TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH AGROWN ARSE MAN WHO "COMMUNICATES" USING THE SILENT TREATMENT BECAUSE HE'S EITHER IGNORANT, ARROGANT OR LACKS BASIC INTELLIGENCE TO TALK THINGS THROUGH. None of these reasons are acceptable. Show your boys how you should be treated.
Wow, hope your sons friend wasn’t just a little shy, like I was going to friends houses, your reaction sounds a little extreme.
Yeah you definitely need to grow a backbone and be able to lay down the law for how you will accept your children being treated and being spoken about. He doesn’t seem to have a problem doing it! You’re getting walked over and your children are watching. And learning.
Those saying leave have probably never had a blended family....
I suggest counselling to work on how to better co-parent. This is a common problem with blended families but is fixable.
Parents will naturally always back up their own but counselling can help reduce this.
I would suggest finding a good couple counsellor who can work with you about communication.
Myself and partner are going through this now and it has helped alot.
Read all the stories of kids raised in families where they were treated as second class citizens by a step parent, it does deep and lasting damage. Be careful and know when to call it a day. Also if a person needs counselling to learn how to treat their partners kids respectful, that’s a red flag right there. It disturbs me that you think this lady should stay with this man.
I was a kid who was treated differently when my mum and stepdad met. It never went away, though it did lessen eventually. I used to cop more punishment than his sons did and for things they'd get praise for. I even got called racist once for asking them not to take home ALL of the snacks we'd brought to a family event. I've moved away and keep both my parents at arms length, my stepbrothers I keep even further away for an unrelated reason. My mum didn't often stand up for me.
I guess what I'm saying is please stand up for your kids. It's up to you as to whether or not you stay but if you stay, put them first. I know it's hard, but him stonewalling you is his own problem. Maybe consider counselling? His son is probably just reacting to how his dad is treating you. But it can be hurtful to be treated coldly when you've done nothing to that person.