Married for nearly 5 years, hubby owned his own business and didn’t own a house b4, did a deal with ex on house we jointly owned I don’t get any maintenance on kids, paid a smaller amount to free him from house, 2nd husband came on Mortgadge didn’t contribute prior almost 50% of house paid off b4 he arrived on scene, I earn less then new hubby but we both contribute 50% on Mortgadge and costs, phone, gas, elec to run house (although he says I should pay 75% as kids arnt his when I pointed out that if I pay 75% why don’t I own 75% of the house). Hubby has expensive tastes and buys gadgets and when wants to try a new hobbie will buy 2 x so we both have 1 each, I’m then made to feel like a user because I cant afford to buy my own hobbie piece, I wouldn’t buy something that I know 3/6 months down the line he will have lost interest in he buys 1 for me so we can try the latest hobbie out together, I never have asked him to and most times he could have just brought 1 and if I wanted to have a go I could try his! I don’t know what I’m asking but feel trapped in a circle, I buy him gifts too with what little I have left but because they are not as expensive as he can afford in made to feel shit! He tells me I do nothing for his business - I do all paperwork, emails, accounts but because I don’t actually do the physical work aparently I do nothing! I have my own job too which pays very well but just not enough in his eyes! Am I being unreasonable or is he?
3 Replies
I'm a bit lost in amongst all this, what is the actual disagreement, or is it all of these things combined? I think this is all petty stuff that is pretty common when there's underlying stress for one or both of you. If you want it to work more than just be right then consider getting professional help, both individually and together to work out the nitty gritty issues and to see if there's something bigger causing them.
Oh dear I think you really needed to sort this out before putting him on the mortgage. I’m concerned he will take it and you’ve lost what’s rightfully yours BUT you’re never trapped and it’s always worth the peace of getting out of a bad thing, no matter what it costs you financially.
He is being a jerk. I would do nothing for his business. Absolutely nothing. But i do see three options in regards to the business.
1. Either he gets free work out of you and you appreciated for it.
2. He pays you for the work you do
3. You actually do nothing and he can do it all himself.
As to the kids. He can either step up and be a part of the family or get out. None of this they aren't my kids crap. He took you all on as a package deal. So either step up or step off.
The hobby items. Tell him outright to stop it. If he does it again hand whatever it is back to him and say no thanks. I told you to stop doing this. Let him have a tantrum if he wants.
Frankly he is treating you like shit. Taking your self worth apart piece by piece. Don't let him. Red flags all over the place. Time to re-evaluate this relationship