Bit of a rant/advice
I had a FB.
I told him what was what. That I didn't want a relationship I just wanted company some nights and sex. He said he wanted a girlfriend but he was okay with me just being his FWB and when he mets a girl he will go his own way. So we started out situation, no staying over rule.
Then came my birthday and he rocked up with flowers, tried to kiss me. It was sweet but my child was there and so was his. I told him off. Said it wasn't okay to try and kiss me with my child there. He said sorry he tried to do something nice, he feels embarrassed and dumb now. But he absolutely understands me.. it started to get weird.
Things were said lines were crossed. To be honest I felt gaslighted. I asked him if he was getting feelings, he said I need to stop making out he wants a gf when he isn't ready either.. I was confused now as he said he did at the start.
He asked me to stay over at his one night I said thats a rule breaker for me. He said he needed me that night and I let him down.
He then asked to go to the movies. I said no. He told me all the cuddling after we did the deed was making him feel I was getting relationship vibes and he was getting confused. When we cuddled it was right after cause we would go again then he would go home. So I stopped the hugs. Then he said i mustn't like him cause I stopped..
He asked to go for a run with me, I said no as it was something I did with my ex partner and I'm not ready to do that with any one else yet. He said I need to try and move on.
So time went on and he called it off. Told me I was complex said I made him feel bad as I didn't want to do anything out side of home so he didn't feel valued and didn't think I saw him as a good enough person to be friends with. I said that is fine wished him well. He came back. He keeps coming back. Keeps messaging me.
Then he deleted me on socials as I said I did not want him over any more, it was to much this behaviour. I was gald he deleted me.
He came back again! Said he couldn't see my "pretty face on socials any more". Asked if I needed a friend (as I was having ex issues, we have only just separated). I said that okay. He sent me a massive voice message saying I was right he was getting feelings and he is sorry for the way he behaved asked if he could make it up to me. I said no its okay. I'll just see you at ***. Why won't he go away? Said I was a missed opitunity and I made him act crazy.
I Ran into him last week at ***. He then talked to me. Added me again on socials. I said I'll accept if he doesn't get weird or cross lines. Now he is asking me out for dinner as I don't want to hang at home with him. Asked if that was okay. I'll say no but then he will take offence as again I "don't see him as good enough person". I have to see this guy at lease twice a week at a common place we go to.
How do I really tell him i dont want to see him. Its all to much now. I've been in violent relationship before. And this man is giving me gaslighting vibes. Bit controlling too. I started to find my self second guessing what he was saying what I was saying/doing. My gut was flipping.
When we were sleeping together I was going out alot. He didn't like it asked me not to bring any one home etc.
If I didn't have to see him it would be okay but I do. I have expressed how I feel, what I want and don't want. And he seems to make me feel bad or twist what I say. So now I'm feeling a little on edge.
I have said no public outings. He got hurt and a little angry, now he has asked again..
Why does he keep doing this?
What should I do?
FB gone weird
FB gone weird
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Sisterhood Stories
30 Replies
Cut contact and end whatever this is.
He's consistently walked all over your boundaries and is generally being creepy.
This is also why you need to be careful with casual sexual relationships. Very rarely do they work out because one person almost always ends up being way more into it than the other, you can also unintentionally invite toxic or even dangerous people into your life.
I hate to be the grammar nazi but it took me a few sentences to realise you didn't mean facebook. Not the first time I've been confused by initials on here, so I thought I would just point out the correct way of doing it so hopefully more people understand the different posts, or troll me whatever.
When writing you would use the full word then in brackets you would put what you are going to call that word from there. For example friends with benefit (FB). Doctor Hugh Geelong (Dr G). My brother (Jordy).
Friend with benefits is FWB. FB is fuck buddy
I agree! I was also confused and thought she meant Facebook at first.
You've heard the old saying "don't shit where you sleep"?
Same same.
If you're going to be casually seeing someone you have to ensure that there's no awkwards after it ends.
For this one you're just going to have to suck it up and call it off regardless of how awkward it'll be when you run into each other.
You have to take the lead on this. Block him on social media, block him on your phone.
If you bump into him, keep it to hi and bye.
Don’t FWB with people you have to see in real life. It’s too awkward. Use tinder or similar.
He wants a relationship. You shouldn’t be ducking him it’s not fair and clearly isn’t working for you and is hurting him as well.
This is the reason I called off sleeping with him 2 months ago and have also told him I won't been sleeping with him again
You actually sound quite disrespectful and rude towards him. I think him turning up with flowers was lovely to surprise you and you made him feel like shit for it.
I think you should have cut him off earlier. The poor guy I feel for him and the Way you treat him.
Go find a guy that is suited to that duck in and duck out quicky! This one obviously isn’t and you keep going with him. Don’t be so harsh on him. His hearts in the right place and these things happen. He fell for you. Don’t take the piss out of him. Cut him off if you don’t want him or sit down and have a nice talk to him and explain things to him, apologise and let him go for once and for all.
But do not make him feel like shit! Some guys arent used to girls that want only this. He probably thought you’d develop feelings too.
Agree I think it’s totally cruel to continue to fuck someone that wants more, and to thn treat them like shit for having feels is poor taste
I haven't fuck him for 2 months and I have said to him I dont want to do that any more its not okay for me to do that for reasons
It’s all about what you want and when it suits you.? When you are lonely it suits you but when he is, it’s not on. I feel sorry for this guy. You let this go on too long.
I cut off sleeping with him after my birthday 2 months ago
I actually think you copped some pretty harsh comments on here. Only you know if he is being a creepy clingon. I think some people are still quite prudish when it comes to FWB relationships. I do think they are really hard and instead decided to have a relationship without moving in together. It's working much better for me. Prior FWB I got attached and another he got attached. Disaster all around and hurt feelings.
You analysed every move he made, you judged everything he did and you treated him really badly.
You seem like one of those girls who’s attracted to the bad boy abusive types and when you meet a nice guy, you just want to use him and find him boring.
He clearly has issues too.
Knowing your history (the running gave you away) it’s better you have casual relationships anyway. Every relationship you’re in ends very, very, badly.
Cut this one off.
Hope you’re in therapy still.
Google how borderline personality disorder affects relationships, it might apply to you.
I find this extreme. We do not know the full story.
We do, if you follow the website, she writes in all the time.
Your role in this is that you keep accepting him back. How can you not see that? Cut ties . Completely ffs.
I have not slept with this man for 2 months now and will not be again, I have also told him this..
You know what he’s trying to date you again, and trying to frame it as being a friend. You need to cut it off for your sake and his. You both know he wants more and you don’t, just cut it off to help him. You can be friends that go for coffee in a few years if he still wants that when he’s over you, doubt it though.
Yeah that sounds complicated...
He sounds obsessive and like he didn't like being turned down/accepting you're not interested anymore.
You sound like you need to DEFINE your boundaries better than you are my love.
No more accepting his follow requests on social media. In fact, block him!
Stop replying to any message. Block his number.
Remove him completely from being able to contact you.
In regards to seeing him in the public place, short, sharp hello IF necessary, don't engage in further conversation and do not go out of your way to make conversation.
You had sex with him. You don't owe him anymore of your time.
But the issue here is your boundaries are flimsy and hes jumping over them and your enabling it!
Answer this, do you want his attention? Or do you want him to go away? You need to choose one and choose wisely and make your choice obvious.
This is the most solid advice!
Good advice! May I add that boundaries are often walked over in abusive relationships. Be careful you are not allowing other men to continually push them due to your past experiences.
Just end it. No friends. No Friend with Benefits. No outings. Nothing. Block on social media. Block on phone numbers. Get a Ring door camera and don't answer the door to him.
Every single time.
You both have a role to play here. I've read just now you stopped sleeping with him 2 months ago but he's still trying to insert himself because he has feelings. I'm sure there is more to it here.
So, do better and think about what you want in the future rather that playing this sort of game because I daresay you've left out stuff. Besides, you invited your FB (Fuck Buddy?) Who graduated into a FWB (friends with benefits) into your home. If you want a casual relationship, never bring them home. That way, your child isn't involved. Go to a hotel or somewhere else. Meet someone who has the same views from the outset and talk clearly from the start what this is all about.
I hope you move forward and learn from this.
Cut contact, avoid seeing him where possible for his sake, so he can move on and find a women who will love him for who he is and treat him the way he deserves. Good men are hard to come by because the few good ones left get treated like shit by women and then are to scared to give the heart to someone who deserves it. You seem to be the one gaslighting, it's all about you, you, you. What about poor him? I think k you need to stay on your own and get yourself together before you even think about starting anything with any other men whether that's fb,fwb or dating.
you are encouraging the circus, but a dildo and ditch the weirdo! He says he has the feels and you just want a FWB. Grow up and move on
You knew he was wanting a relationship with someone from the start. Why get into it with someone wanting a gf. And you say you keep accepting his adds on socials but then ask why won’t he go away? He won’t go away cause you keep letting him back in. You can’t push him away, pull him in then wonder why he won’t go. Stop egging it on and delete and block him yourself and stop blaming him. Poor guy
This is a FWB situation gone wrong. I had one man end up fully stalking me by the end and was completely scary as he didn't hear my boundaries. However, I think your fear from your previous abusive relationship may be playing a part here. I would be saying sorry and acknowledging that it must be hard for him as he is hurting. He caught the feels big time. Then I would say it's best if you do not see each other outside of the shared venue. If he keeps disrespecting your boundaries after that then I would start blocking him on everything.
The only actions you can control are your own. Don't focus on why he keeps coming back and disrespecting your boundaries, YOU cut him off. You're in control of who you have in your life, and just don't allow him to be in it. Perhaps change the situation where you have to see him regularly if at all possible. And just don't speak to him. Block, delete, if he escalates get a restraining order or whatever they're called. Take back your power of your choices.