My daughter is 12, she found a box of condoms in my cupboard, she started yelling at me at how disgusting I am and that I shouldn’t be doing that thing when she is in the house. My fiancé (not her biological father but been there long enough as biological sperm donor has nothing to do with kids) works away so when he gets home we like to be intimate but are always careful not to make noise, used condom is alway wrapped and put into another bit of rubbish then put in the bin. We have sex late at night so we know no one is awake. But apparently she has heard us. I know she wouldn’t have cause we are quiet.
Lately she has been treating me like I’m the child and I need to explain/tell her everything. I bought a couple of adult card games and I had them delivered to my friends house so my daughter didn’t see/find them. But while I was at work and she’s home sick she has been snooping in my room.(my mum looked after her) and found this box I hadn’t opened them yet. She asked what they were I said they for adults only. So now again I’m disgusting because she thinks they’re condoms. Even though I told her they’re games. I’m already on antidepressants because of all the stress her two older brothers put me under with there antics.
How do I handle this with out completely losing my marbles from being yelled at and called disgusting by a child??!!!
Daughter has a hate for me because she found condoms what do I do?? .
Daughter has a hate for me because she found condoms what do I do?? .
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
11 Replies
You need to put her back in her place, kindly but firmly.
She can feel weird about it but -
She doesn't get to snoop through your stuff.
She does not get to dictate to you or shame you.
You don't have to explain yourself to her.
You do not need to send your packages elsewhere so you don't set her off.
You're allowed to have a fulfilling sex life, especially considering you're being quite discrete.
Remind her of that and take back your parental authority. Put some boundaries in place and pull her up when she's rude.
I would just have an open and honest chat with her and empathise with her that you understand that it may feel weird knowing that you are having sex but it is apart of life and especially a relationship but also that it is none of your business. And put it back on her that she deserves privacy in her room and you deserve the same in yours and that she shouldn’t be going through your room.
Ok, she's a brat. She can not dicktate your love life. Tell her to mind her own business and to stay the hell out of your room. Your a grown woman and can't have sex in your own home, with our her ok.
Put her in her place and tell her striaght. Stop being so silly. Stay out of my room. Don’t beat around the bush with this, she is controlling you and playing you. Don’t allow it! Tell her it’s not disgusting it’s part of life and she will learn about it when she is older but for now she is to respect you and your privacy.
If it was me, I'd say in a completely casual way "mate, sex is a completely normal and natural thing for two consenting people to do! Get over it!." And ignore her ranting and raving. You are letting her rule the roost and dictate your life. Having to hide shit from her because she doesn't approve?? You are an adult and entitled to your privacy!
"If you snoop in my room you may find more than you bargain for so do yourself a favour and stay out".
Shes testing how she can control you.
Wow what a moody mouthy little so and so, your sex life is none of that child's damn business . I somehow don't think her behaviour is even based on this one event.
A) pull that kid into line. Your sex life is none of her business …. EVER!! Tell her to quit her bullshit, pull her head in and grow up. What you do with your body is your choice and if she has a problem with it, you’ll quite happily ensure that she gets counselling. Ask her if she’d rather have a younger sibling? Because without using condoms there’s a very high chance of it.
B) put a key lock on your bedroom door, keep that nosy lil person out of your room whilst you’re not home and tell her if she snoops in your room again she’ll be facing a penalty and then make sure you know what her currency is and punish her for disobeying you. It sounds like she doesn’t suffer any consequences for her actions and she needs to be facing consequences for the way she speaks to you and for invading your privacy.
She's 12. Remind her of that.
She lives under your roof and she doesn't pay for a thing. Her responsibility is to complete her schooling and maybe pack the dishwasher. She has the benefits that goes along with transportation to play dates and pocket money. Free board, free wifi, free range of the house. Ask her what exactly does she bring to the party and what right does she have telling you to suck it when you're the one in charge of everything and she's dependent on you to survive?
Tell her to mind her business.
I think you should tell her that consensual sex is a normal healthy part of an adult relationship, and, that it isn’t appropriate to shame women for having healthy sex lives. I would also ask her if she is okay, and if anything has happened that has made her feel so uncomfortable about sex. Remind her that she never has to do anything she is uncomfortable with, and that she can talk to you if she needs support. Good luck!
You need to put her in her place but also have a conversation with her about sex and what this means for 2 people that are in love explain to her how it is an important aspect of an adult relationship could it be that she doesn’t really know what sex is and just sees it as disgusting most kids do at their age especially the thought of their parents doing it I’m sure you felt the same at some point, but you need to not tolerate her behaviour at the end of the day she was snooping through YOUR room and that is not ok either.
My 11 year walked in on her dad and I. Not having sex but if she gave us 10 min it probably would of been 😅
She stormed off and yelled at us and was so angry. I didn’t apologise and lie. I said “you walked into our room that was shut. You know adults have sex and I’m not apologizing for that”
She was furious and refused to talk to us for days.
I mentioned it to one of our close friends who has a great relationship with my daughter.
So she brought it up with her. She said pretty much what I said and let her know it’s totally normal to freak out and yes she can be embarrassed and grossed out but she got no choice but to accept her parents have sex.
What they do in the privacy of their own bedroom is private and maybe this will teach her to not walk in unannounced when the door was shut.
This put my daughter in her place. Listening to someone else not her mum say it.
2 years on she has never walked into our room when the door is shut. 😅👌🏻👌🏻