So I feel like the worst piece of crap mother in the world.
Miss 8 has had a really bad attitude as of late. She argues about EVERYTHING. I can say 'time to brush your teeth' and she will throw herself on the ground & chuck a massive tanty.
At the same time I am trying to deal with PND and a close family member that has lied and stolen and still expects me to drop stuff at his beck and call. He is homeless, he has a baby and one on the way so I have to help for the babies, regardless of what I wanna say to him.
Anyway miss 8 has pushed and pushed my buttons all afternoon. She hurt her sister, she has screamed and jumped around even after repeatedly being told to calm down. She has trashed her room AGAIN and she came in and gave me attitude cus she spilled some of her noodles. I told her to clean them up... She walks away I continue stacking the dishwasher (cus apparently I am the only person in our house that can actually clean up any mess) she comes back to me and I say 'have you cleaned it?' -massive attitude and nastiness spills from her mouth. I (without realising it) lose it and throw what I had in my hand at her. The metal measuring spoons smack her fair in the head. I feel absolutely sick and I wanna kill myself. She isn't injured too bad thank god, just a little lump and a small graze. I'm a piece of shit. I'm not worthy of having beautiful, strong minded, loving children. They deserve better than me. This is the only time it has happened but once is one time too many. I lay awake at night scared of the horrors my children will have to face as they grow up, and little did I know, I'm the worst one.
I'm a horrible mother
I'm a horrible mother
Posted in:
Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Parenthood Guilt
14 Replies
I have to admit I've done this before but it hit the floor next to her .being a mumma is extremely hard. The good days over weigh the bad days. And you just gotta try stay POSITIVE!! Ask your hubbie to take over some of the discipline or some of the chores. My little miss 5 is going through a similar phrase. And yes hopefully it's a PHRASE!! Maybe pop into your local g.p and have another chat? And take your daughter too? Or join a gym (or go for a good run) because then your body will be flooded with endorphins.
Please call lifeline on
13 11 14
You are not a horrible mother and your kids need you xx
Your not a horrible mother Hun! You lost your cool and made a mistake. Whilst its important you apologise to your daughter for throwing something at her and telling her it's never okay to act this way she also needs to know that her actions were wrong. She needs to know her hurtful words and attitude have consequences and effect peoples emotions. It's hard sometimes to be strong and to be 'the bigger person'. I think people often under estimate how strong kids can be, and how in a way they can over power you and almost run the show. I'm a chill person, I don't like to yell and scream and discipline, so I had a lot of problems with my 5 year old daughter who realised she was getting away with so much. She started to become such a brat and was almost at the point of bullying me. I just had to kind of slap myself in the face and say she is a kid, I'm the adult, I'm the mum and she will not treat me like this. It took a good 6 months of extremely hard work and lots of punishment but she's really figured it out that she needs to show me respect. I think you need to really show her harsh consequences, if she talks rudely to you then no TV, no laptop, no toys, no hanging out with friends, no birthday party on the weekend etc. hit her where it hurts (not literally). It sounds like your having a tough time, it would be good to seek further help with your issues with PSD. I would suggest you really open up to family and friends and get them to help where they can, even if it's getting out the house for an hour by yourself. Your daughter also could be acting this way out of jealousy so remember to show her love and do things together that you both enjoy. Use a lot of positive reinforcement when she is good. Good luck. And stay safe!
I don't think your a horrible mother at all!!!!!
She's been pushing your buttons and eventually everyone will snap. What you did was wrong BUT you obviously love her so much or you wouldn't feel this bad. You said you have pnd and are getting help which is great, hopefully this will be a wake up not just for you but for her on how she can't behave like this anymore. Good luck mumma
This doesn't mean you're a bad Mum in general, but you've done a bad thing. You've done the right thing by realising this though. If it were a man in a relationship & he throws something at a woman & it hit her, everyone would be calling abuse & saying he needs help. So, without nastiness, I recommend the same thing for you. Obviously you definitely shouldn't have thrown something at your daughter. Nobody should ever throw anything at anybody, especially not a child. Obviously you're struggling, but you already know that. Definitely seek some help of some sort & good luck. I hope it never happens again.
Your not a horrible mother my daughter 7 has a bad attitude aswell. I try really hard to reward the good behaviour and use time outs for the bad behaviour. We are also using a star reward chat which has started to help
You're not a horrible mother. You made a mistake and tomorrow is a new day. You sound like you need a bit of a break from all the stress. There are helplines you can ring like lifeline if you feel like you need to speak to someone.
You are certainly NOT a horrible mother. There is only so much we can take at one time. You lost your cool and that is all and I think if most of us we would all say we have at some point to.
I have a 10 year old full of attitude right now and without anything else going on sometimes I want to smack her fair in the mouth (I don't but only because I tell her to get away from me before I do, she knows this is my sign to go away).
Have you spoken to you daughter to see if there is a reason for her attitude? Made sure there is nothing going on you should know about.
Good luck Mummy! Pre teen angst doesn't last forever xo
Oh my god , you Are NOT a horrible mother ! Everyone has their breaking point , I've reach mine before I'm sure every mother has !!! PND is hard , I know that first hand , chin up tomorrow is a new day , there's nothing wrong with telling her your sorry and how you feel about your reaction and maybe ask her why she is feeling the way she is. Everybody goes through times like this , I hope you feel better soon xxx
Oh I feel so sad for you right now. Being a mother is hard, sooo hard sometimes!! Please don't beat yourself up, you made a mistake... Generally kids just want attention and want to feel loved, that's when they are at their best behaviour. Unfortunately it can turn into a bad cycle because when we aren't at our best, neither are our kids.... Your angry cause she's being naughty, she's being naughty because your angry, where does it end? Try to spend some quality time with her, have fun! Explain to her why you get upset with her behaviour... Talk to her, she's old enough.
My mum was the best mum ever and I love her so so so much. I still remember being a GIANT turd one day and she threw a wooden spoon at me (she was cooking tea). I still remember it, I remember I was being horrible and I remember she was at her wits end. I dont think she was a bad mother. I dont think she was out of line. I think she was a human being who was struggling. A human being who momentarily lost her temper. I'm a mum of a 4 year old and he has what sounds like a very similar attitude to your daughters and OMG its so so CHALLENGING!!! I totally understand how it happened. Explain to your daughter that you are sorry you threw the spoon at her, but her behaviour is starting to get incredibly difficult. Explain how her behaviour effects everybody around her she is not too young to learn that. Good luck. You are a wonderful strong mother and you obviously love your children so much stay strong and seek counseling if u haven't already. Xx
Calm down mummy and Keep it in perspective. You lost your cool, it happens. You don't deserve to die and you havnt scared your child for life. Know that your in my thoughts and I'm sending you lots of good positive vibes. Please do the same for me if you get a chance because my babies are driving me a bit bonkers today too ;) love xx
Hi IM,
The first thing I have to say to you is to stop judging yourself. No one is a perfect mother, and depression is something that is very real. It's an illness - something you can't blame yourself for. You say you're "trying to deal" with your PND, (and I'll assume that means you've sought help) which to me means you're already trying to do what's best for your family.
You say that you're the only one who can "actually clean" so I'll make another assumption that you live with your partner. Unfortunately, most men seem to need a push in the right direction. Have a serious conversation with him. Remind him that being a mother is a full time job and explain to him exactly what PND is. If he won't listen, suggest he does some research of his own. Or suggest family counselling. It'll benefit both you, him, and your daughter. The more everyone understands what you're dealing with, the better.
Also, how old is your youngest child? You say Miss 8 has been misbehaving and this isn't her ordinary behaviour. You also say she hurts your other daughter. Has the behaviour been since your youngest was born? It could be linked. I once again suggest family counselling. There are services out there that can help you find cheap or free counselling services.
Also, on the note of your close family member - you can't help him unless he is willing to help himself. I'm not saying give up on him, but you do need to put yourself first. Yes, it's sad that there are young children involved, but they're his children, not yours. So it is okay to say no if you need to.
More importantly - take a deep breath!
Try a night off and put yourself first occasionally, even ahead of your own children. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
I'm sorry if I was wrong with my assumptions and I hope that my advice can help. Good luck, IM, and try not to be so hard. The fact that you feel such guilt for what you've done proves you aren't a bad mother.
You are NOT a piece of shit and you ARE worthy! And you most certainly are not the worst horror in the world! It sounds to me like you need to start taking better care of YOU. I know (from person experience) that it can all be so unbelievably overwhelming when you have so much on your plate and so many people demand so much from you , especially when you feel like no one actually helps you or gives a shit about you, but trust me when I say that YOU HAVE TO come first! If it means sitting down with that family member to make them understand the weight you carry atm (perhaps with a mediators help), then so be it. It sounds like he needs professional help/assistance and that's probably what needs to happen (sooner rather than later). If it means organising once or twice a week after school where your daughter goes to a friend or family members house/afterschool care for a few hours so you can read a book/get a massage/sit in peace, then so be it. The incident that you described above was you reaching boiling point. ANYONE who is pushed to boiling point will snap! ANYONE. It doesn't make you a bad person and certainly no worse then anyone else. Its unfortunate that it happened like it did, but its a good indicator that you are not coping with all the stresses in you life well (if at all). Which is why you need to start coming first more often. You are allowed to say no to people. Perhaps setting some firm rules with your 8 year old will help her attitude too. Eg, raising her voice at you/talking back means no tv that night and following through with it. Im sure she will learn quick! Please look into seeing councillor or psychologist if you're not already though. They can be soooo helpful even if it is just to vent and get it all off your chest! Stress is not good to be carrying around for long periods of time and seriously does lead to physical conditions like heart disease/deeper depression/adrenal fatigue etc (I also know this from personal experience). If something happens to you, then you are no good to anyone :( LOOK AFTER YOU!!! - you are worth it!!! Sending much love, ((( A HUGE HUG ))) and positive vibes for a positive future your way! <3 xoxox