I am overwhelmed with something every other parent seems to do so easily. I cannot toilet train my children. I don't know how, my oldest was toilet trained by his father at 3. I try books, reading articles, introduce potty slowly (before bath at nappy change ..&&)
My middle son is almost 4 and I have been trying since 2.5 to get him to go to the toilet, just during the day but I can't even get him in undies without him crying until he vomits. He will sit on the potty/toilet but won't go, just hold it and cry. I don't yell, I don't talk down or bully when I'm toilet training, I am patient & I don't care about accidents. So i don't why he is so scared of trying? I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I am so guilty and ashamed that I am not able to teach my son, I feel like a failure. He now is holding his poo even when his in a nappy and I'm not asking to go to the toilet and his stomach is all messed up now after a couple of months of this. We saw the GP and he needs to be on a mild laxative for a little while to help. I feel I am being judged by his kinder teachers. I think they think I'm lazy, I just don't know how to handle the situation when my son gets that upset, should I even be trying to put him in undies or get him to he toilet every 45-1 hour if he is losing it so badly every time?
Please help a stressed mum out.
I can't toilet train my son. I feel so guilty and stress!!
I can't toilet train my son. I feel so guilty and stress!!
Posted in:
Baby & Toddler, Potty Training
4 Replies
Has he been checked by an OT/ child psychologist/ paediatrician to rule out any underlying issues that would make your child struggle with toilet training?
My son was a holder too, we kind of had to reinvent the toilet training handbook.
I basically let him run around naked for a week and caught the pee in the potty when he finally let go. No sitting was expected, just me catching it. Giving high level rewards every time I caught one! It meant I had to be eyeballing him. He started naturally running to the potty when he started to pee. Then I started leaving the potty further away and eventually moved it to the bathroom, then placed it on the toilet seat, until he eventually just started using the loo.
It was tedious and long, but it worked for us.
Try having him choose his jocks, and probably separately, buy his toilet seat. I would do as above said and just use jocks daily, and watch like a hawk and catch him and catch pee in potty or toilet, then praise and reward. Keep at it consistently and in a week or two it’ll be his new normal.
We also started off with massive rewards, we had a sparkly reward box with Freddy frogs, lolly pops, Mars bar, matchbox cars, placed up high and where he can see it, but only comes down after they’ve used the toilet.
Does he see you and dad or anyone else using the toilet? My boys regularly saw me using the toilet as toddlers, plus other children on day care days, and when they started to show interest in what was happening I started sitting them on the potty. My youngest would sit on the potty in front of the tv as it was the only way to get him to sit still long enough to do anything. Once he’d done several wees in the potty and made the connection in his mind, he started doing something a lot quicker each time he sat. We were then able to move the potty back into the toilet.
He sounds like he’s not ready yet. Take a step back for a bit. Get his bowel issues sorted, then you can try again. Maybe try pull ups rather than undies and encourage him to sit on the toilet at each nappy change. Get kindy to do the same. When he is consistently doing something on the toilet (or potty if he prefers), then get him to help pick out some undies. Pushing him when he’s not ready will make it even harder.
I had a little girl completely toilet trained at 2, including night time. She just got it! My little boy, no way. I eventually resorted to buying a big truck, he was truck mad, and it came down from the shelf when the solid goods were in the potty. Every night, it went back up on the shelf. The delight of having the truck seemed to overpower the anxiety. It worked for us.