Hey ladies,
Please help me with some advice. I married my husband young, and we've just about hit 2 years (I know that's not very long), however, I want to fall back in love with my husband. I hear people talk about how love is a choice, and lately I struggle to FEEL love. I don't understand hoe people can be married for 50+ years. Yes, I find him attractive and I do love him. I just don't get excited when he come home, I don't miss him, or long for him, I don't care if he calls or does any gesture of love. I just find him annoying, and a bit of a nuisance, I also lack respect for him. I sometimes feel like my daughter is all the love I need.
He's not a bad husband, and he takes really good care of our child and i. He comes home and takes care of our little one so I can go to the gym. He cooks and does laundry while I'm gone. Overall he's sweet and encouraging. I really want to feel the way I used to, I do. We've had some nasty fights that have dampened my desire for him, but I want to heal and move forward. What are some steps to do so? Has anyone else gone through this? Is this normal? How do you feel love?
Side note: me divorcing him is not even a thought, please no mention.
How to fall back in love????
How to fall back in love????
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Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Health & Wellbeing, FAQ
7 Replies
Nuisance, annoying and lack of respect for him are all big red flags in terms of how you feel about your husband. I've been with my partner 6 years & I still get excited when I see him after work, and we message / call through the day.
If there have been a few big fights that you can't get over, then you might want to go to marriage counselling - they're obviously eating away at you and you need to address them and deal with them properly before you can move on & try to start again with him.
2 years seems way too soon to be feeling this way about a marriage.
Is it because you feel like you missed out on things, marrying & having a child young? Is it FOMO because your friends are out partying etc while you're stuck at home with domestic drudgery?
Also, you don't say how old your child is - maybe it's some sneaky PPD or fucked up hormones hitting you.
I'd be getting counselling at least for yourself.
Wow, I think you're absolutely right. I do think about that often. I wonder about how much more fun my life could be had I waited 5+ years for all of this.
I agree, it is way too early in my opinion too. I don't want to feel this way, I keep telling myself feelings aren't facts, and they are always changing. However, it's been many months feeling this way.
You have to choose if you want to last 50 years you have to treat him nicely and with care. Which is making an effort to do those things like call and check in, those gestures of love, and thanking him and making sure he feels appreciated, and having nice down time together. It’s making that choice when you’re not feeling the butterflies that is the ‘work’, you’re not going to feel it forever but acting with love and respect is a choice. And holding yourself accountable - don’t say divorce is not on the table. If you are keeping him there but putting in no effort, giving him no care or respect, then you are being cruel and need to give yourself a talk if you are not going to let him go.
I agree, it is cruel. I am hoping to change how I feel about him, as I want him to feel loved and cared for. It feels difficult when I genuinely don't have those soft feelings for him.
You need to change your actions for now. Hopefully your feelings catch up. I do agree with above though that something may be majorly amiss for this to be an issue, could be pnd, depression or maybe bigger problems that you’re trying to downplay and not face, you mention bad fights for example.
The "fun" you're missing out on now, it's not going anywhere.
I also had my son quite young, still with his dad too 25 years later. It's not easy, but it's not hard either. It just is.
Because it's early days you haven't had too much freedom, and that's ok because those earliest years are the most demanding. But if you're bucking up on feeling like you're no longer you, well only you can do anything about that.
Although I wasn't going out clubbing I kept my girlfriends. Very rarely I'd go out clubbing with them but we'd regularly meet for coffee, visit each other, go to concerts etc. Now we still go to concerts together, meet for beers every few weeks, visit each other and take an annual holiday together.
I did lose my hobbies but when I realised, I picked them back up. Bought a nice DSLR camera, recently bought a vehicle suitable for solo travel to get some adventuring in etc. The things that make my heart sing.
One person can NOT be everything. You have to be happy in you before you can be happy with him. Organise snippets of free time to feed your soul. Build on that to get you where you need to be. It's right that at times love is a choice, but even if you choose it you can't force it if the underlying happiness isn't there.
It’s a choice. You will undoubtedly have ups and downs and feelings change over time and reignite as you go. I’ve been with my husband for 18 years this year and not all have been rosy 🤗 but I do know that even when we are going through a bit of shit time that he is my best friend always- even when I would love to take a swing at him 😂😂😂❤️