This is going to sound really silly and please no judgement as I am just after some advice and opinions. I feel silly even being this upset about this. I have a friend who I thought was a really good friend. Very private person. We started up a friendship at work. Became close. Chatted each day. As as friendships progress like normal hung out a fair bit. I have heaps of friends and close ones. And was really happy this person was someone I was coming to trust and our friendship grew. We shared more personal info about each other. They way a normal friendship does. I moved jobs and things cooled a bit in terms of obviously not chatting every day. But being a private person and had opened up to me about struggles in some every day life stuff and trying to achieve some pretty big personal goals. Which I know was shared with no one else. This person doesn’t have a lot of close friends but is seen by everyone as fun and interesting. But I think are just surface level hi how are you chats. Fast forward I spent the year checking in asking how they were. And responses back always pleasant nice asking after me. Saying they were stressed and overwhelmed. I always said I was there if they needed a shoulder. Thinking they were struggling. I never liked to probe about the really personal stuff shared. Or the big thing they were trying to achieve but were struggling with. So I bit the bullet and sent a message saying I know you’re probably still trying to work towards xxxx here if you need me. Got a response that they felt bad that hasn’t gotten around to telling me but that personal big goal they had actually a hives back in March. Told random work people about a month ago.
This is where I feel foolish for feeling so hurt. I’m not that sort of person who cares what people tell and when. That’s their business. But when I was the “inside so called close friend” to find out so much later in the year and especially when I had been asking all year hoping when were ok and so many opportunities to say then. I worry they only ended up telling me as I specially asked how they were going with their journey in that area.
Why do I feel so hurt!!!!! I cry every time I think about it. Stupid I know. I’ve never felt ao betrayed and let down. I know it’s their news to agree and with who and when. But didn’t think given my investment I’d be last.
2 Replies
Would you call your friend humble?
Perhaps shes not one to brag about achievements.
She reached her goal, eventually told a few relevant people at work, and only just gave you an update because she didn't see it as necessary to toot her own horn at the time of achievement.
Some people are also not big communicators via messages.
Some people can’t keep contact long distance, some people are stressed and can’t give to a relationship outside of one or two that they see in person, it’s just too much to tell and keep up with. Some people just don’t miss you like you miss them.
It does sound like your friendship was deep, maybe deeper than they wanted. Maybe exactly what they needed at that time but they don’t anymore.
At the end of it, you can only have a friendship if you both put in, and this person is not.