Please help; I’m struggling so much with my 6 year old daughter. It’s taking me so much emotional effort just to write this.
Quick backstory, her dad and I seperated when she was 9 months, she’s now 6. (She also has a currently 10 year old sister with anxiety history but mental health currently very under control and well)
Her dad has been more or less completely absent over the last 6 years, the last 2, completely. In 2020 I repartnered and our family unit is strong and beautiful. He is a very old friend so I knew he would be a wonderful role model and they love him.
My daughter has always shown signs of defiant and risky behaviour, since the age of approx 18 months. I could go on and on with what’s been happening lately with her behaviour (including running across roads) but as she is seeing a psych and likely to be diagnosed with ADHD, I will try and focus on the area I need most help with.
She has began calling children ugly to their face at random, and my daughter fat. I am in complete shock. I only know as my eldest told me she witnessed it twice now and the children cried. My youngest compulsively lies, yet she admitted it was true. And she “doesn’t know” why, however admitted to being jealous of her older sisters body and long hair.
Despite this fact, she is a charming, friendly, academic and funny little girl. But tbh, I’m utterly disgusted with her and in my total frustration have said “perhaps you need to live with dad” / I’m so ashamed but have been crying so much for these kids and the pain their parents may be dealing with. I don’t know who they are to speak to.
I’ve informed the school and teachers, but my partner and I are broken. I need advice 💔💔
3 Replies
Running on roads, ADHD, lack of impulse control, ‘doesn’t know why’ she said things, she lacks impulse control, that’s why.
Instead of the why, maybe focus on how would they have felt? how would you feel? Can you take it back? (No) what can you do to try to make it better?
There’s a school book/popular school phrase about bucket dippers and bucket fillers. I’m not a fan in general but if she lacks control and does silly things, this is something she’ll need for long term, and need to reference often in her efforts to fill buckets after she’s dipped from them.
Don’t be too hard on her, she’s going through the process, be her unshakeable soft place when the world is mad at her. Remind her there’s nothing she can do to change that, and you’ll work with her and stand with her as you fix it up.
Thankyou xx
Agreed 100%. Above all else she needs to know you're there for her and will back her. "I love you, I'm always here for you. I'm sad that you said hurtful things to people but I'm here to help you fix it".
She's 6. Regardless of neurotype, she's ONLY 6. 6 is hard - she'll be aware of right and wrong but lack the impulse control to stop herself from doing things at times. Add possible ADHD and anxiety and it's even harder. Make sure you give her time to wind down, keep demands low when she's likely to be tired or overwhelmed (straight after school etc).