Im just going to dive straight in and sorry for the long read.
A couple months back my partner and I was standing out the front on our veranda listening to an argument that we could see down the road that involved my in laws with my father in law being very sick (they only live couple houses down from us) we just wanted to make sure nothing serious was going to happen the person having the argument with them was very drunk and walking all around the road Without going into more detail this person yelled out to my partner then came to our house causing a massive scene and scared the hell out of my kids this alone was traumatising for my kids fast forward to last Friday morning our life got turned upside down by a drunk driver doing 100kms in our 50kms zone wiping out both of our cars neighbours where banging on our door and yelling out my partners name now my kids all came running in crying and shaking scared that someone was banging on the door (they thought someone was there again to fight there dad) now when anyone bangs or knocks hard on our front door the kids run and get scared.
We’ve sat down and explained what’s happened to the kids but the look on their faces when they get scared from the front door now is heart breaking.
we are hoping to move In a year but in the mean time I’m not sure what to do should I get them in to see someone around this trauma? Is it anxiety? What’s some techniques I can do?
3 Replies
I would definitely get them professional trauma counselling to help them process it and find strategies to move forward. Moving house doesn't erase the trauma. It just changes the location.
Having had one child go through emergency counselling after a close relative's illness & death, I learned we really underestimate how much kids need this support & the difference it makes - both to the child & our ability to help them. I've realised through this process I needed it as a child for something, but it wasn't a thing. It still affects me.
Agree that if you talk about moving as the answer that will feed to them that this house is definitely unsafe.
You can reassure your children with words - tell them this is why you and your neighbours and your in laws all look out for each other. Point out how you will all come out any time anyone needs anything. They are very safe there with lots of safe people around them.
Reassure them that their dad had it completely under control. Sometimes drunk people do silly things but if it was needed one of the safe people would have called the police - remind them that you all had it under control and didn’t need to do that. The drunk person was just loud and acting silly because that’s what being drunk does. Let them know it didn’t bother you and that all of you adults had it under control. And the drunk person probably doesn’t even remember what happened, wouldn’t remember the street, and probably is a very nice person when they’re not drunk, but they don’t come back they’re off on new adventures and will probably be arrested by police if they do that every time they go somewhere.
And you show them in your actions - you teach them how to be safe when the door rings. What safety you have in place so you can be safe, not scared. And when the door rings, you calm the hype (don’t let that get out of control) calm with deep breaths, with letting an adult know and with knowing what to do. And again, showing them through being calm, slow and rational that it’s safe and anything that happens, you can handle it.