Hi , just looking for some advice please. For
those that share care 50% with ex. How do you find this arrangement works? Is it unsettling to the kids? Does it work well? What works? What doesn’t work? We are talking about going 50/50 in costs for kids, putting it in writing and being done with it. We are both on same income.
50/50 care of kids
50/50 care of kids
Posted in:
Kids
5 Replies
I’ve seen it work brilliantly and fail spectacularly!
It depends a lot on parenting styles and the desire for both are at to create a fairly consistent life for the kids. Kids who can’t go to sport every week, because dad or mum won’t take them, sucks for the kids. Having one parent who does homework and drs appointment sucks for the kids in a 50/50.
Having only one parent who actually makes sure you have clothes that fit in a 50/50 sucks.
If you are both reasonably consistent and can find ways to communicate in healthy ways, you can create two happy homes that don’t confuse and upset the kids.
If one parent is determined to be the fun one, or disengage you are better off doing an old fashioned arrangement.
To financially split 50/50 it depends on the type of parents you both are. If you've always been the main caregiver and done most things for the kids yourself then this is going to be a headache for you as the kids will naturally come to you for everything they need and you will constantly be asking him for his half which can be stressful if things aren't 100% good between you. It also adds stress to the kids because something as simple as a pair of shoes suddenly needs 2 parents to agree on a price and wait for money. It sounds good in theory but to actually live it with someone you have physically broken up with is another. It would involve constant communication which I couldn't do with my ex. As far as shared care goes play it by ear, some kids go really well and some don't. I think they need at least one house to feel like home with their own room and freedom, regardless how long they actually spend there they need that so they know where they belong. Bonus if both homes have that but sadly if it's blended they are usually treated like the visiting kids.
I do 55/45 with a 7 and 4 yr old.
the arrangement we have is certain days are set days at mums house and set days at dads house and it works well for us.
Usually 50/50 is week on/week off. I don't think I could cope not seeing my kids for an entire week. And my 4 yr old would not cope with that long of a stretch either.
We do Sunday to Tuesday at dads house and Wed-Saturday at mums (sort of this isn't the exact arrangement). But by having split the week it makes it easier for my 7 yr old as he knows every single Monday he'll be at dads and every single Thursday at mums (as an example).
We also split the weekend so the kids get to see both parents every weekend.
We live fairly close so it works for us.
It also works with daycare as I only pay the days I use daycare and he pays for his days.
Im not amicable with my ex but so far this arrangement works for the kids. Id like to slowly move to week on/week off but when the kids are much older.
Hope this helps
My partner does this with his ex wife. They are both able to communicate and put their child's needs first. I admire both of them for putting aside their differences and doing this for their child and the 50/50 has worked well for years. My ex is a different story. He does not want to pay for anything and has tried to make my life hell. It really depends on the maturity of the people involved
if you and your ex, communicate well and have an okay relationship it could work. I saw it fail miserably with my nephew he was so lost, and the line that killed my sister was where does he call home? where is his safe place? that was the day it changed back to staying with her and alternate weekends. My daughters s BFF have a more flex arrangement, both parents live in the sam suburb, basically do week on week off, and as the kids have got older they can stay longer or shorter where ever they like. They are good co parents even with differences. Kids are always the reason they make decisions and everyone is flexible.