Should I leave this group? Is it just me being over-sensitive or do I have a point?
Its exhausting lately. So many people are beginning to tear down those who provide advice if it goes against their own. It's one thing to disagree with someone else's thoughts if you think your clarification is relevant and helpful. It's entirely another to keep arguing the point when the other person sticks to their own view. It's worse to join in, form a pack and make it worse. Obviously the aggressor doesn't need you to help make the point! Back off! And the absolute pits, imo, is to use a laughing emoji to make someone else feel inferior so you can evade being responsible for your words and the poster cannot defend themselves.
Not all men are the same. My husband is a dope. He wouldn't have a clue most of the time. Lucky we have good communication and work things out. Are you convinced? Probably not. Do I trust him? 100%.
Im not an idiot. Some men are bad, lazy, selfish, liars etc. But not all. And there's no way to tell until something alerts you. If you think they are, take a step back and look at all the women you know, your brothers, sons, nephews... what are you saying about them?
Not all families are the same. Not all ex's, stepchildren, bosses, mother in laws etc are the same. Not all situations are the same.
Not all experiences are the same. If your experience leads you to advise a poster of how they can expect their problem to work out, good for you. The poster asked and can make up their own minds! But don't assume it's your place to tear down anyone with different experiences than yours.. to silence opposing views to yours so that the poster doesn't get a cross section of experiences to help her in her own unique situation. It's lot as if someone having a different experience than you had steals your credibility, perhaps just feel sad that they suffered.. or glad that they didn't!
Then there are the people who are shot down for responding. I have CPTSD from an abusive childhood, Autism, ADHD, anxiety and I am estranged from my whole family because they couldn't accept my perspective and chose to keep making me their scapegoat. It's hard. Some days are harder. If I post about an issue I need advice on, I may get a supportive response from someone who was only the day before arguing with me and who had unknowingly contributed to the state I was in that made me want to post. Remember the point of this group...
TREAD CAREFULLY ON PEOPLES HEARTS YOU DONT KNOW WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN OR WHAT THEY HAVE SEEN... You dont know their mental state and you dont know what awful effect you have on them when you're dropping your phone back in your bag feeling superior.
7 Replies
The post about the husband and friend talking behind your back?
The ONE poster who said it could be innocent?
Your husband is not a dope.
If leaving the page makes it easier to stay in denial, go for it, but it will reach a point where you can't ignore the evidence anymore.
Good luck to you, protect your heart x
I've never posted before, that post was just the one that did it for me. I've seen soo much nasty, and been on the receiving end from people who disagreed with me too.
Wait, what? What's happening?
I have no idea what specific incident sparked your post so I'm just going to give you my thoughts in a general sense.
While I agree, everyone who utilises the IM page, either anonymously or via Facebook, should aim to comment thoughtfully and with consideration of the real person they're directing their words at. I have also wondered at times if the person who just left an astute and insightful comment is the same person who left ridicule and hateful vitriol the day before. I'm sure that probably happens, I guess it's the nature of the beast when it comes to anonymous online forums.
However, there's a certain amount of personal responsibility when it comes to this as well.
What I mean by that is is having the self awareness to know that getting into spirited debates or even ugly disagreements on the internet is something that potentially triggers you and it's choosing not to engage in that for your own peace of mind.
As an example - there's a few topics that are a sore subject for me. I know that other opinions or someone challenging my opinions on these topics is something that's probably going to rub me the wrong way. So I choose to stay away from those particular posts because my emotions are mine to manage.
I have read stories of women asking for advice/support on here and have jumped to defend them when someone has posted something particularly unhelpful or what I deem 'nasty'. I think it's important to disagree with someone if they are not being kind to a poster who is already in a vulnerable place.
You are right about each situation being unique, however I appreciate all those women who call out harmful behaviour particularly when a woman does not trust her own thoughts due to long term DV. Not all women can recognise the red flags which is okay but it's important for those that do to continue to be a compass for others when they are feeling lost.
I know I have some wonderful men in my life which means I will speak up if I see someone being treated like dirt.
I hope you do what is best for you and it would have helped if had specific example/s. I try to build people up, so pretty sure it's not in reference to anything I have posted. The best thing to do is just to scroll on and choose where you place your energy x
I agree. People write in under the guise of seeking input, but OPs and certain responders only like people that agree with them. It's usually of the theme of man hating
Many humans still operate on pack mentality. The kind of phenomenon that sees "good kids" go rogue when in company of arseholes, that inspired the mean girls title, causes the keeping up with Joneses behaviour even when it will send your family broke, etc. This ridiculous belief that fitting in has to equal being/behaving/believing the same.
These kids grew up to be the adults we have today. They're shit, they know they're shit, they wear blinkers so they can pretend otherwise and if you dare step out of their perceived parameters then they will attempt to tear you down to their level because that's the only feel good vibes they know.
I've been mocked, called a liar, called an abuser etc. Yet here I am. The opinions of arseholes is nothing to me. If I can support one woman through hell. Provide one woman with that light bulb moment where she truly sees what's what. Then shaking off the opinion of people without kindness is an easy thing.
I guess what you ask yourself now is can you shake it off? Can you refuse to allow yourself to be dragged down, in the knowledge that one day you might be that woman that makes a difference?