Response to post - Tw sexual abuse of a minor. It's going to be long.

Response to post - Tw sexual abuse of a minor. It's going to be long.

I am the mum that wrote in for advice because my daughter was being abused by my ex. I want to say thankyou to anyone who genuinely shared good, useful and empathetic advice.

I must say I was extremely surprised by some of the comments. When I originally wrote the post it was within 24 hours of finding out that the person I trusted the most was harming my baby. I was in absolute shock and my post very clearly was in jumbles. As to be expected in this type of situation.

I wanted to clear a couple of things up because the questions were asked. How is he my ex but not her dad with a "co parenting arrangement"?

He had been part of our lives for just over 5 years. We started dating and we broke up on extremely good terms. He seemed to have a good relationship with my daughter and she adored him. He asked to still be apart of our lives and I agreed. He was the only farther figure she has really known and he was my best friend. We spoke every day... I now understand that was part of the grooming process but I didn't know.

We lived seperatly since not being in a romantic relationship. Some people questioned if he was still in the house.

I asked in the original post if it was my decision to report him even tho my daughter didn't want to. Some people were extremely angry about this question and it was the main question answered.

I wanted to explain that I was asking that question more in reference to how it may harm my daughter. She has already been violated in every way. I didn't want to disempower her or hurt her further. Of course I reported him! But please remember this was posted while I was still in shock and extremely distressed.

I also had people question my "mothering instincts" and saying there were "no excuses". I'm sorry but these types of questions or statements are truly cruel and unnecessary. I understand that people get angry in these situations but unless you have been in this situation yourself it's not something most people can even fathom.

Just wanted to clear up that first thing Monday morning I went straight to the police station and reported. My daughter is booked in for coming up Monday to tell her story.
Carl have been notified, as have all of the sporting activities he was a part of... and of course I will be seeking professional help for my daughter and myself.
I've written a book for feeling, safe people, I statements, and things that are to hard to say outloud for my daughter to have a "safe" space to get things out...
We have had lots of check in chats.

I just want to remind people to be kind and mindful in their responses on this page. It's now been exactly a week since finding out the information. Sometimes this page is first point of contact when someone doesn't know where to reach for help. When I was saying I don't know what to do I meant I was losing my mind. When my daughter isn't around I just break down and cry. I can't get out of bed, the feeling of guilt it to much to bear. I didn't know what to do in my moment of absolute shock and dispare. Feelings of guilt, betrayal, disbelief, anger, regret were overwhelming.

I hadn't told anyone yet for fear of being mistaken. Of course I believed my daughter but doubt of the situation was still in my brain. It's NORMAL to not believe something like that can be real... I knew my family would react with violence and everyone I know, knows him. I felt truly alone in that moment. Of course I wanted to kill him myself but logic needs to be come into play. A traumatized child needs her mother... So giving someone on this page advice to kill their child's abuser just isn't practical or saying what "you would do" It just adds to the guilt of not doing enough.

Hopefully this clears up some questions and doubts people who reacted to the post had.

I also want to say that I was that mum that has always talked about safe touching, used correct words for privates, not made her hug anyone etc. This was my worst nightmare, and was my biggest fear- and it can happen to anyone.