Hi Sisters,
My eldest daughter moved back home sone months ago and lately her moods are like a roller coaster and expects everyone to just fit around her needs and wants. A few weeks ago her boyfriend also moved in, which is fine as he’s a great kid. I thought it would help settle her mood swings but no such luck. Problem is DD has taken to periods of ignoring others in the household, not acknowledging us when she gets home, goes out, or in general. It’s just plain bloody rude and disrespectful of her. This morning did it for me when I said good morning to her and she walked straight past me! All the kids pay low board, and are supposed to cook a couple of times a week, so that they can also build savings as they want to move out and be independent. DD’s behaviour is also triggering DH’s mental health so I’m constantly trying to maintain the peace. Even the younger DD and DS are annoyed at their sisters behaviour. Your thoughts would be great before I just lose my shite and tell her to find their own place because I want my chilled home-space back.
20yr old needs a kick up the butt…
20yr old needs a kick up the butt…
Posted in:
Behaviour
5 Replies
Tell her straight up, the moods and general respect for everyone has to improve or find somewhere else to go. She sounds as though she has resentfully moved back and taking that out on you all instead of being grateful she had somewhere to go...I have 2 adult kids at home too (18 and 21) and if they started like this they would be gone. At this age they can't act like hormonal teenagers anymore and expect everyone to just put up with it, you're doing her a favour by letting her stay she needs to come to the party and not make everyone miserable for the priveledge or get out.
Ugh, tell her shape up or get out and find somewhere else to live . That's what I'd be doing, I would not ever tolerate that type of behaviour from an adult child who forgets its a privilege to live with you. Give her a time frame to fix her attitude otherwise get the fk out
Is she taking drugs that may affect her mood? Check her room. Tell her if she doesn’t pull her head in and seek help to change then she is out. You are very generous allowing her boyfriend to stay too. I wouldn’t!
Has she always been a moody person or is this moodiness out of character/more extreme than what is usual for her?
What were the circumstances that lead her to move back home? Is she going through a tough time in a general sense?
I'm not saying that she isn't being unpleasant and I'm not saying you have to simply sit back and tolerate this but I think her lack of emotional regulation suggests that she may not have complete control over her moodiness and that maybe she's struggling quite a bit herself.
Try talking to her when she's in a better frame of mind (or at least when she's not at a complete low). Don't come in hot with it though, if you get there all like "your moodiness is making us all miserable, you're rude and disrespectful and if you don't pull your head in you can find somewhere else to live", you are not going to get far!
Talk to her about being concerned about her mental health and well being. Let her know she can share anything with you and that she can speak freely about anything that may be bothering her.
Tell her you feel like she's shutting everyone out (rather than saying "you ignore us all the time and we're jack of it"), tell her that you can see she's having a hard time with her moods (rather than saying "we walk on eggshells around you because your moods are foul") without blaming her directly discuss the tension within the household.
Sit down and have a chat at a neutral place e.g. coffee in a park. It almost sounds like she is extremely unhappy with the situation as well and wants out. Talk to her about it. Mention you have noticed she is really unhappy around the home and ask if everything is okay. Be prepared as she may rant, especially if she is bottling it all up. If she decides to keep being nasty you may have to say what you will and will not tolerate and put reasonable boundaries in place. If she wants out then maybe help her to try to find solutions