Over the last 3-4 months I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster and I don't know what to do. I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes ecstatic and other times quite down.
I returned back to work about 1.5 months ago and am loving it despite being crazy busy all the time. I've started to fall for a colleague whom I would normally be completely unattracted to. Hubby was previously emotionally and physically abusive but we've been going to counselling and he's been so amazing since. My baby is gorgeous and I love her to bits. Hubby and I live in an amazing area, are on great wages and have the support of my family who are amazing. Yet despite this I'm in a state where I just want to get drunk (I haven't drunk a single alcoholic drink for about a month but I just want to) and party or not exist. Part of me just feels like I can't be bothered and I just wish I could sleep.
I'm on lexapro and have already spoken to the gp about how I feel but I'm after some tips to help improve my perspective. I've done CBT and am trying to do affirmations but I still seem to I back to this self-sabotaging/destructive behaviour/thoughts.
2 Replies
I can kind of identify with you. After i split my (awful) husband started acting right but it was just too late, i was attracted to anyone else, the oddest sorts, the opposite of him, any glimmer of a nice characteristic or a better offer. It seems to me like you could be still dealing with the emotional damage hes done. even if hes been amazing since, the damage is still there for you to deal with. Are you just trying to push on ahead without listening to yourself? Are you really happy staying with him? Are you fleeing a feeling? Escaping with binging or sleeping?
One thing i learnt from the whole thing is that i didnt know what i was thinking or feeling, i didnt know what was going on, i would just see & feel a change in my depression, anxiety, stress & physical symptoms, just like you're saying.
The best thing for me to do when i was trying to recover & just be normal was to try new things, like getting back into a relationship, but promise myself that when it started getting out of balance like this to take a big step back & take some time out & be just me again. Alone is a good place to realise your feelings. Good luck xx
A couple of things could be happening.
1. You actually want out of your marriage. It's ok if that's the case, sometimes it's just too late.
2. Your addicted to the drama and your not getting that in your relationship anymore so your trying to seek it elsewhere.
I personally was addicted to drama for a long time. I'd get so bored when there was none I'd start seeking out ways to bring that excitement back. Once I realised what I was doing I was able to push through it :)