My children started at an expensive private school (that we can barely afford) this year.
We chose this school as it would be one less transition (it runs k-12), and the principal said they were a very welcoming and accepting school.
One child struggles socially and is very shy and so, since they began I have tried to set up multiple play dates to help. Every time I have asked parents, they have said they were busy (except two families, once). Less than half the kids invited came to her birthday party a few weeks ago, some didn’t even bother replying no. I had one mother send an invite for a birthday party and then when I rsvp’d, she said it was meant for someone else and she uninvited her.
We knew a family from the previous school (I had told that mum that we were sending our children there the following year, and then she decided to go there that year). But even that family has said no to any catch up the entire time! (On a side note, I am wondering if maybe she has said something as she is a very gossipy person and we had some issues with her daughter at the previous school but I thought they were resolved.)
At school she is just playing alone or reading most days. The school mentioned sending her to a counsellor, but I feel like when the families are being so distant, that it’s a bigger issue than just my child…
My other child made two good friends but they are both leaving the school next year.
There are multiple new families starting at the school in both grades next year, so this may change things.
However, I am starting to wonder if this school is a complete mistake…
Should I give it another year to try to stick it out to try to avoid another change, or is it better to just make a potentially inevitable change now?
7 Replies
Just so i understand, you changed school purely so your kids wouldn't have to do a high school transition?
I mean, it does sound like you've made a bit a a misguided decision here because you've essentially made a change to avoid making a change only to end up in a position where you may need to make yet another change.
If you're not impressed with this school now, I highly doubt a few new families and sticking it out for another year will leave you feeling any differently. Couple that with the fact you can barely afford the fees - I'm gonna say that this school is probably not the right fit!
Having said that, don't expect changing schools again to be a miracle fix. A new environment won't improve anything if your kids don't have the right tools they need to succeed. Personally I think your youngest child may need some additional support (I also think a counsellor would be helpful).
Don’t be scared of change. change can be what you need sometimes. It’s a good life lesson for kids to learn that being brave enough to make the change could led to better things.
But I also see you saying the child has social problems, then saying that the parents being distant is the problem. I think that’s more likely a symptom of the social difficulties.
Also, bear in mind it could be unrelated - private school, working parents, busy people, etc etc. maybe don’t read too much into that.
Focus on your child’s friendships - are they happy, are they settling in, making friends, if not (and it sounds like school has identified there’s a problem) then definitely follow their advice on counselling. You can probably find some tips on teaching Social Skills online as well.
Or through a psychologist. We saw one and their help was brilliant because their advice was really specific to my child and their problem.
By the way that person uninviting from a party is an asshole. Sorry that happened to you. Definitely stay out of the parent drama, and that’s another reason to be open to change - if you have a choice of schools around you, it’s very likely you can find a public school that meets your child’s needs for support and friendships.
Look I do send my kids to private school but my husband and I can easily afford it, I wouldn't send my kids to a school I could barely afford because what if an emergency happened and you don't have that back up money? I don't really understand your reasoning of sending them because they are from prep to year 12?? I think you need to find a school you can afford, I don't think this one is a good fit for your family.
I will warn you some of the mothers at these private schools are not very nice people at all. I had quite a successful career but the mothers still excluded me and my son because I was not married to my partner. They can be very clicky.
My son found new friends this year at the same school as thankfully it is a bigger school. I am now very wary around the other women unless they have a career/life outside of gossiping.
I was extremely shy in school. It did not matter which school I went to. It just took me a Iittle longer to find my friends. I would make sure you send her with a book, handball or things to play with solo so it is not as hard. I used to spend a lot of time hanging out in the library. I found the nicest girls in school eventually.
I would have a chat to your child and go through problem solving together. Perhaps the teacher could buddy her up next year with one of the new students. If your child is feeling too overwhelmed it may be about discussing other options e.g. changing schools
If you can barely afford it, it’s not sustainable as your kids get older. I think enrolling so they don’t have to change schools later isn’t a great plan.
You always need to be open to change and changing schools isn’t a negative, it’s preparation for the real world, where we change jobs etc.
it’s better to accept this school is a terrible fit and move on, than flog a dead horse paying for something that’s making you all miserable.
Kids adapt to new schools really quickly so just do whats best for your family and stop overthinking it.
There will always be scenarios where kids may have to change schools so having a rigid approach to change isn't wise.
My son has changed schools three times in his life.
He did prep in a private school, but it just didn't feel like the right fit. He then did the obvious transition to high school. But then he changed highschools due to bullying and now hes very happy and thriving.