Hi IM community,
Just wanting to know if I’m crazy for wanting to have another child?
I’m 40 next year.
I have a 5 and a half year old daughter who is my world! Prior to my daughter I lost 3 babies.
I have depression, anxiety and I think I’m about to be diagnosed with ADHD.
I did not have a good birth with my daughter. And the thought of labor scares the shite out of me.
I was 100% adamant that my daughter would be my only to the point where my husband and I have been talking about a vasectomy and tubes being tied.
I was looking through photos last night and come across many photos of my daughter from various stages of her life so far and I bawled my eyes out as missing that stage of her life. Suddenly she’s a big girl in school and I’ll never have that baby stage again (despite some of it being really tough)
If I decided to have another baby I’d be incredibly nervous about more loss but also that with my age something could potentially go wrong with baby and I don’t think I could cope with a child with special needs (please no nasty comments, I just don’t think I’m mentally capable of dealing with it. Hats off to all the parents who care for their children with special needs, y’all are amazing!!)
It probably doesn’t help that when my daughter was 6 months old a family member of mine told me I shouldn’t have another child as I couldn’t cope with the first one. Some days are tough but I’m doing ok with motherhood at the moment, my daughter is so kind and sweet.
I don’t know if I genuinely want another child or if I’m just a bit extra emotional (I’m on my period lol)
If I had another child (that’s if I can even fall pregnant) would I be doing it for the right reasons 🤷🏼♀️ I’m not sure.
Would I be crazy doing it at nearly 40?
Thanks for reading
Edit to add I’d need to lose a bit of weight before pregnancy might even be possible.
Also I’ve changed my mind about wanting a 2nd child many times. It is only recently where I was firm with my decision not to have another child.
5 Replies
Maybe get a reborn doll? They look just like real babies and you can have that feeling of newborn cuddles etc
You are just grieving the passing of phases in your child’s life.
I can look back at the past and get teary but that doesn’t mean I want another.
If you can’t handle a disabled child you definitely shouldn’t have another. There isn’t an opt out option and it’s a lottery, most of us don’t know our child has a disability until after they are born as a lot of stuff you can’t test for until after birth.
There isn’t return counter when they receive there diagnosis.
I had my disabled child at 21
You're not in the mental head space to be having another child
Just reading all that, and my experience (I have 3 kids), no I don’t think you should have another. You will ALWAYS get emotional about when your babies are no longer babies and miss those days. I do it now, my youngest is 9. I miss all my babies soooooo much it hurts, doesn’t mean I want another. If you have another it’ll happen again, they’ll grow up and you’ll miss them as a baby. It won’t stop.
That’s just my opinion 😊