I have a violent teenager and seriously need help.
We have the police here almost every other day.
Tonight my daughter lost control because she ran up a phone bill and after I asked her multiple times to turn her phone off or hand it over I ended up grabbing the phone and taking the sim card. When I handed it back to her she threw me to the ground by my ponytail and then smashed the house up. I currently have a chair leg sticking out of a wall and I have zero energy to fix it.
This has been a common thing. Something that seems small makes her explode. She is ADHD, ASD and a few other things.
While I understand there is alot that goes on with ASD and ADHD we are also dealing with a a level of manipulation. She understands enough and is very good at manipulating. The school guidance counsellor told me he has never dealt with this level of manipulation in his 20yrs on tbe job.
She is constantly suspended from school for her vulgar vocabulary and disruptive behaviours.
I can't live like this. My partner wants to leave. We have a 5yo together that isn't coping and I'm so close to committing myself to the mental ward because I'm so close to a break down. Is there any help out there please.
Violent teenager
Violent teenager
Posted in:
Behaviour
13 Replies
Start with her school HOSES and GO, and a private psych. Get a plan in place. So you know what you will do each time this happens. Is she medicated? If she goes 0-100 instantly then it sounds like she needs to be until she can calm down and handle things and learn strategies herself.
Have you done courses so you understand what sets her off? I’m not saying the behaviour is ok, but could you have handled it differently as you see it building up. and to be clear I’m not saying no consequences, I’m saying no highly emotional incidents.
Thank you, yes we have a psychologist and will be seeing a psychiatrist in May. She has been seeing a psychologist since she was about 5 because I was noticing behaviours.
I've done parenting classes, reached out to all types of organisations, I've done some trauma therapy to see if my past was causing me behaviours that might have been setting her off but nothing I do helps.
The school keeps suspending her which means I cant work because she is home more then at school and she can't be left alone.
Ask the psych if there’s any courses you can take. It usually takes a different approach with these kids, and it’s usually highly personalised.
You sound like you’re doing your best in a really tough spot, I’m sure it’s not easy and I hope you don’t see it as picking on you, just offering things to consider. I love that you’ve already tried so much and even have considered your own responses and your own trauma. She’s a lucky kid to have you.
I certainly don't see it as picking on me. I've come here for advice and your giving me just that so thank you. Im hoping our appointment in May with the psychiatrist will help. We have to travel 8hr round trip for this appointment and have to do it two weeks in a row before we can do zoom appointments which we probably won't be able to do anyway because my daughter struggles with that sort of stuff because she also has a hearing impairment. The paediatrician has made the situation worse by telling her she can leave school next year and took her off her ADHD medication. I feel like we are at the end of the road. The police that were here two days ago told us its at the point of charging her and that terrifies me because she will never forgive me but I can't keep letting her get away with this.
I hope you have support for yourself. These are really hard decisions to make.
Keep on trying, because you never know which one will work at which time. Maybe pressing charges is the right way. I know she will forgive you. At the end of the day, it’s more about her taking responsibility for herself, so there’s nothing you are doing that you need her to forgive. But I still understand these are hard choices and a hard place to be in.
You youngest is your main priority here. They are witness to this and will have long term affects on them mentally.
I'd talk to DCJ about repite care and any other services they may have or know about that can help assist you and your family. Sadly, once physical violence starts, your all in a dangerous domestic violent home.
Thank you, what is DCJ? I've never heard of them. I've spoken to family and child connect, I reached out to them over 12months ago. I've called child safety and they do nothing. They don't even seem to care that my little one is witnessing this stuff.
Formally known as docs. Department of children's services.
Not taking away from your situation but how do you run up a phone bill today? So many plans out there that cover everything!
It is so hard to get help for teenagers. There's a lot of help out there but unless they want to go you're kind of left on your own. If she really is this bad you can get the police to actually charge her. She will end up in court and that sounds horrible to do to your own child but it could be how she gets the help she needs and will have agencies know about her situation. Her record will be wiped by 18. Get her the help she needs.
I have her on a $10 plan but for some reason the company allowed her to add on extras without notification to myself. Its never happened before. If she has ran out then they text my number because her number runs off my account.
We have called the police multiple times and they tell us we can charge her but then tell us there is really no point because nothing will be done. Ive reached out to so many places and organisations over the past 12 months and no one can help us. Im absolutely lost on what to do
See if you can get her taken away and put in respite. Film her when she does these things. You need her in respite. I couldn’t cope with this either. You poor mum.
Keep ringing 000 until they do something. They need to take her away. She will end up killing someone.
After reading your comments, I'm sorry but I would be looking into your partner.
What if he is actually harming her, but she happened to get the day wrong?
After she said that, instead of focusing on the video footage, did you really ask her if he has harmed her in the past?
Also, stop labelling her a liar and manipulative or she will never tell you anything.
I really hope your partner didn't set up this narrative of her being a liar and a psycho, that's how they usually get away with this stuff.
Your answer to this will tell me everything about your relationship with your child and your willingness to help her.