This is a long one. I feel confused. Ex and I separated ladt year and were together 10years and two children. Never married. I chose to leave. I got a loan and took my car and started from scratch taking nothing from our house which is under his name. After talking to therapist, she has made me realise that I should ask for a payout for all the years I contributed and raised our kids into our home. I didn't want to cause drama and wanted an amicable separation which it has been. I left house so kids still had something the same to be their safe place if that makes sense. I am unsure what to do as am struggling financially but do not want to cause issues asking for what is technically on paper owed in retrospect. All I asked was 20% of super when time came but now hearing stories of if he marries or has kids I am not entitled and could lose that also. I feel stupid not knowing all this and now feel if I ask now to figure an agreement other than the childsupport it could cause problems that I do not want between us. Does anyone know where I can get free advice etc.
To get a better understanding I put a decent inheritance and 20,000 of my super during covid into this home. To now be in 30,000 in debt to start all over to keep peace. Have I effed myself over?
Separation and assets. I think I screwed myself.
Separation and assets. I think I screwed myself.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids, Money
6 Replies
Yes. Seek legal advice. Don’t be scared of fallout from him, if he would ruin a coparenting relationship then that is 100% on him and you can’t make someone else rise up and you can’t hold yourself down while someone walks all over you , it’s just not in your kids best interests.
Yes this was yours too. If he gets someone else, they’ll be entitled to what is yours. If he acts like a 2 year old over it then that’s his problem. You need to get this sorted out asap. Speak to a lawyer.
I walked away with the kids and left everything because my ex was financially and emotionally abusive. I am wondering why the house was only in his name? Because this is what my ex did to me as well. If he is this type of man they often move on quickly.
I took zip and he then remarried, sold the house, went on all these holidays after he promised that money would be put into bank accounts for the children which he never did. They brought a house together and guess what he, her and those stepkids ended up with it all and my children are getting nothing.
You should be entitled to a larger portion of his super and the house. I understand you do not want him to lose everything so maybe there can be some arrangement made. I would definitely be seeking out legal aid or I'm pretty sure there are some free helplines just for general advice.
Just be careful you have not settled for less just to get away from him. I know I tried to avoid it getting nasty and it did not work. Mine is a narcissist who never forgave me for leaving. They play nice to get what they want and then they start poisoning the kids. Do not fall for the trap. You cannot be nice to this personality. Maybe your ex is not one of these but it needs to be said.
If you haven't signed anything as a financial settlement, then seek legal advice from legal aid. I believe with de facto you have 2 years to complete a financial settlement.
It's absolutely fair to at least ask for what you put in financially.
My partner did his settlement from his last year; the assets / debts are caluclated as at date of settlement, not date of split.
She was a SAHM and contributed nothing financially, she kept the house & had to pay him out; she has primary custody;
They add up all the assets on both sides, deduct all the debts on both sides; and split the remainder as a 40 / 60% with 60% to her, apparently this is the standard unless one party fights it.
It was done through mediation, the first session was free.
Definitely go and get legal advice sooner rather than later
Yes you have f’d yourself!! Just remember that your contribution was equal as you didn’t get to build a career. Work out an hourly rate for all the years of childcare and housework and you’ll see what he ‘saved’. Plus if he was decent he would not let you walk away with nothing! Also your ex needs to understand it’s for the kids to have an equal standard of living in both houses so it’s for them not you. Get legal advise asap. You have 2yrs post separation to do a financial split (if you weren’t married). Don’t let the guilt of being the one who left sway you. It’s ideal to be amicable but if he’s really got the kids best interests at heart he will be like that $ or not