Domestic Violence Survivors

Over the past couple of weeks, I have noticed a great amout of women coming out and talking about domestic violence and opening up about there experiences and the fears and anxieties that still affect them even after the abuse has ended. I was in a domestic violent relationship for 6 years, two years ago I got out for the last time after leaving so many times before. Only in the last two years have I truly started to understand how much danger I was in, - fighting his hands off my throat, his hands off my face, being taken out bush and held hostage for days, screaming for help from neighbours that didnt want to get involved or call the police, being raped, being held at knife point... in these moments I was almost numb to accepting what was truely happening. How easily I could have died, had I not played my cards right. In these moments it was almost just like survival, feelings were gone, although he hadnt physically killed me, he killed my spirit.
The past two years have been the hardest, having had two mental breakdowns where i came the closest to suicide i have ever been, had it not been for my father, i would not have survived. I still realise, even two years on these wounds are still gaping wide and bleeding. I look at who I was before I met my abuser, I worked in sales and behind a bar, I had lots of friends, I would go to nightclubs on my own and feel confident I would find someone to talk to or have fun with by the end of the night. Now I look at what I have become, Im housebound, I have no friends, the only person i see on a regular basis is my dad, I hide from the knocks on the door, if I have a tradesperson over, i hide in my room or laundry until they are finished, I even avoid the supermarket until its absolutely essential to go - at which point I avoid eye contact with everyone and stutter to even say hello. I live in fear of talking to the wrong person an them telling my abuser.
My life is not a life.
But three weeks ago, I was brought some hope. My dad did a job for a lady who he became friends with who is also the coordinator of a domestic violence organisation. Obviously my dad knew my situation, so i asked him to suss out what kind of support i could get. Im not one to be big on counselling sessions as i dont feel sitting with someone who has learnt out of a textbook, telling them your problems is going to help - but at this point was willing to do anything to avoid being back in the darkness of another mental episode. So when dad told me she holds support groups for dv survivors, i was a bit reluctant - because at the moment I hate being around people, but I also knew I had to try something.
Last week I went to my first group meeting, and I was surprised how much I opened up to these women and talked about my fears and sadnesses. I have never been one to talk about my feelings - really ever, i guess it could have been the situation and the fact that i knew these women had been through similar circumstances. I even told them some of the things that my abuser used to say to me that still play through my head like an old record, - And i cried like a bitch! lol
But these women, because they have been there, been broken, and are still healing all at different stages were able to empathise and offer support which has been really empowering - even after just one session.
I wanted to share my story, because I know that there are many women out there going through similar situations, and feeling the after affects of there abuse and suffering alone in silence. To these women I want you to know, there is hope, today is the day to begin your journey of healing, dont wait any longer, you are important and are worthy of having a happy safe life. <3