I'm so embarrassed to write this 😞
About 6mths ago I got told I have genital herpes. I know who gave it to me, an guy I was seeing who was prone to cold sores. I was uneducated, and didn't realise that oral cold sores could be transmitted to the genital area. I had a nasty first outbreak and I guess I've never been the same mentally since.
I know the stigma of genital herpes is far worse that the actual virus. Cold sores on your face are acceptable, but when on your genitals, then you are considered dirty and must be sleeping around...
Fast forward to now and I've been seeing someone for about 4 months. I honestly didnt think to tell him at the start. I felt good, healthy and honestly, kinda forgot about it. I've been under alot of stress lately with work, and just the pressure of being a single mum so it has flared up an outbreak. I'm not in pain, there are no blisters, I can just feel the "tingle" constantly. I'm taking the medication for it too.
I really like this man, he's an absolutely beautiful human, but I need some advice on how to break it to him. I'm so scared and stressed he'll call it quits, especially because I never disclosed this information at the start, and also, you know, the shitty stigma that comes with it.
Please be kind, I'm really struggling mentally with this. I'm so ashamed. I have told no one. Not a soul.
I'm surely not on my own here. I read it's such a common virus?!? 😭
Genital Herpes
Genital Herpes
Posted in:
Health & Wellbeing
5 Replies
I would just tell him. The guilt you would feel if he found out by catching it from you would be hard to deal with more than how you feel now.
My best friend caught HIV when he was 18. He is well in his 40s now and there's quite a bit of trauma attached to his journey. However, he has disclosed his HIV to every person who will listen before things got physical.
I know Herpes and HIV are totally different but at the same time, the diagnosis and the feelings you are feeling are valid.
He has a low viral load and is relatively healthy. Speak to your GP about how to talk about things.
Goodluck but the sooner you can talk to him, the better.
Tell him, but read up on how it is spread and the risks first so that you are informed and able to answer any questions he has. He may already have the virus (many people do) which makes it a different conversation.
Alot of people being stupid on the main comment feed, not realising that if you don't have a flare up you aren't contagious just like with a face cold sore. Look i think you should explain it to him like you have us, how it came to be and that you can't have sex or he has to be protected if you do have a flare up otherwise no flare up, no problem! If he carries on and is a wanker about it, then he wasn't worth it in the first place, If he cares for you then he should understand, shit happens! My sister has it from a boyfriend she had a long time ago and there isn't any problems for her unless she has a flare up.
This is good advice to the poster 👍
This happened to me from oral sex didn’t know my fwb had the virus laying dormant he didn’t get cold sores but has shingles as a kid I was so scared to tell him as I didn’t know where I got it from at the stage his response ( your kitty just has the flu it’s okay) his now been my partner for over 4 years it will be okay?!