Ok, this is going to sound stupid but, have you ever not bothered to make friends with someone that you would love to be friends with because they’re, I don’t know, kinda out of your league (if that makes sense)? You say hi to each other, make small talk every now and then but that’s it. You just feel “below” them and know you wouldn’t fit in. They’re really popular with everyone, they’re fun and adventurous, they have money, cool clothes, on trend hair, basically everything opposite to me. I’m wearing Kmart clothes with holes in them, crusty hair going grey and just look so haggard! It sounds ridiculous I know.
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A photo popped up in my newsfeed that my friend posted of two of his friends. One looked like she was an only fans model with a lot of make-up, nice hair, nice clothes and the other was in a Tshirt and thongs, no make-up, hair shoved into a ponytail! It made me snoop and those 2 were actually best friends and there were more photos of them. I loved that they were so different (on the outside anyway) and it didn't affect their friendship. If she's a nice person that doesn't judge then she will be open to friendships with anyone she clicks with. I think the clear thing here is your self esteem, nobody is above you because of those things. Its hard to change our mindset sometimes but it can be done.
Two of my closest friends have more money than I could ever dream of. And we don't give a single fuck about it. They are funny, kind, humble and incredibly hard working. They love my family, my craziness and my life. All their kids were at the most expensive schools in Melbourne whilst mine are in local public. I cannot imagine not having these people in my life.
I am hagged and don’t care what others think. If they want to be my friend then they take me as I am. I do have my type of people though that I gel with. They need to be down to earth & have the same vibe as me. I kind of just gel with people and I know straight up if they are my people. I give everyone a chance no matter what. I have some really wealthy friends with flash houses and fancy cars but I don’t feel any different about them because it’s the way they treat me that counts. If they were snobs then I wouldn’t have a bar of them. They don’t care if I rock up in my 10 year old car and pjs. These are my people. I think it’s a society thing that has you feeling this way because people tend to think people with money are better. I just go by how they treat me. if they treat me any less than I deserve then they don’t deserve my friendship.
I actually became friendly with someone years ago who basically said the same thing to me.
She didn't get why I was insulted by her saying she thought she was beneath me and that she was apprehensive to approach me because I dressed nicely and because I got along with people so well.
What she didn't know was that I got a 50% staff discount at a variety of fashion stores and whenever she saw me dressed up, I was on the way to/from work.
She also didn't know that I actually suffer with crippling social anxiety, so me chatting casually and jovially takes so much effort for me.
But she just judged me on this surface level view that was also skewed by her own insecurities, just like you're doing to this lady you don't know.
Change your mindset! Start thinking more highly of yourself and be open minded when it comes to friendships, you might be surprised!
Why do you actually want to be friends with her?
I would examine that.
Is this some kind of validation you need, maybe with its roots in high school where you weren't a part of the cool clique?
Your reasons for wanting to be friends sound shallow and superficial to me, that's all.
You should never "rank" people, in this case you think you are beneath her, but that doesn't cast you in a better light because I'm sure there are people who you think are beneath you as well.
You need to change your mindset and value people for the right reasons.
When I was younger and immature I had this mindset, now I am older and wiser, I've learnt what's important.
I think you'll find in most friendship groups that there's a big variation in lives, experiences and such.
The core values are where is at. Material possessions and shallow things like looks, they're not important to true friends so worry less about "fitting in" and more about being authentic. If they don't value you just the way you are then they're not your people.
To give you the confidence boost, shout yourself a hair cut.
Research well to spend your money wisely. I get my haircuts in the city while running errands. Where I live anyone over 40 with short grey hair gets the same little old lady haircut. Not me. I get a short asymmetrical easy style cut that can be worn blow dried forward, brushed with a part, or tousled with wax.
Makes me feel a million bucks.
I’m pretty sure people think I’m snooty 🫣 until I open my mouth and they realise I’m a mess 😂😂😂 just talk to her, you might be surprised and she’s really down to earth, or you might be surprised if she’s shallow.
My closest group of friends and I have all come from such different walks of life and we all dress different etc. But at the core of it, we are all a shitshow trying to keep our heads above water ❤️