Been with my husband for 18 years (married 8 years). High school sweethearts as they say. We have school aged children together. He’s really really getting to me lately. Walks around almost with his chest puffed out all the time (yes he thinks he is gods gift to everyone), I can’t have a conversation with him because basically he’s got the best ideas and he is just awesome at everything, he is the laziest person ever. I can’t think of a single thing he does at home or with the kids at all. He basically only does something with the kids when he has to but also makes out like he’s the worlds best dad. What I’d give to have a “normal” partner. One I could have a normal conversation with, one who has an interest in the kids, one who helps the kids and me. I’ve seen dads at the school picking up their kids, talking to their kids friends, mucking around, organising play dates even and I’m just so envious! He can be really nice and helpful but only to other people. I really want to be loved. Sorry, just need to vent.
2 Replies
Sounds like this relationship has just run its course. And that's OK.
Here's your options from what I can tell:
1. Keep everything the same, hoping he will change/help more, while becoming increasingly more frustrated and resentful, possibly leading to a dip in your own mental health.
2. Start having honest and open conversations with him. Not demanding but informing him what you actually require from him as a partner and father. Some men need things to be quite specific and not hinted but laid out in cold hard facts (this is why some wives write to do lists for their partners)
Give him a chance to do the same.
3. Have a good hard look at your relationship and really think hard about what you want/need, makes sure you know your own boundaries and what is and isn't acceptable for you. Be prepared that if those boundaries are crossed that you will have to decide if you want to stay in the relationship in its current state, or decide to end it.
It's perfectly ok for you to have different needs/wants than you did in high school, if you think theres love there and a hope for getting things back on track then try it, but if he's not prepared to grow and change with you (and many people don't, they often grow apart) then don't torture yourself by staying in an unhappy marriage.