He is in real estate, works 24/7. He doesnt hear my stories, he only gives me a min to talk then his distracted with beeps on his phone. He provides well, I work full time too! Plus kids.
I feel like im just there and ive told him. We now have both admitted neither of us are in love but he says he wants to work on it and give me what I deserve - the love and affection I crave not just a peck on the cheek. In return, I need to trust him more and not get upset everytime that phone goes off.
His agreed to seek a counsellor together, but I said actions need to be bigger than words. We are both in the wrong.
To the other woman reading this, have you been here... did you stay? All I want is a hug hello, a man to give me 5mins of his time without his mind on work. We have built such a good life, im scared of walking away. Is it a good enough reason to go. Then he can be happy with his work colleagues as he tells me and not worry about making me happy.
Im not even 40.
7 Replies
These don't seem like issues to break a family over. Communication might just heal everything. Try counselling before making any major decisions
A lot of real estate agents are like this, clients are very demanding, teachers are the same. The only way for this to work is for him to put strict boundaries in place in relation to his work, something you both agree on i.e from 7 pm during the week, phone off, working Saturday mornings only etc. Its the only way, counselling won't work, if he isn't willing to do this.
Setting time limits like this in real estate would result in unemployment. I sold my house last year and our contract was signed by the purchaser at 9.30pm and us by 10pm. If my estate agent hadn't been available the investor would have contacted the agent for their 2nd choice so they didn't miss out. This is very common.
They were using a buyer's agent, so missing out would have cost them money. Communication is obviously needed in this marriage, but setting rules like that are bound for failure. They either need to connect around this job or develop a plan for him to transition into another field.
Yeah true, it's a hard job, not an easy solution. He's probably worked hard to get a book of clients too, earning a good wage, it would be hard to walk away. Some people can be married to people in demanding careers, others not so much. I'm single and work really long hours, couldn't imagine having to balance that with a dissatisfied spouse.
Definitely not an easy solution. Just wanting to be heard or noticed for 5mins of the day is not too much to ask from a spouse.
Sounds like a need to love yourself and focus on yourself a little more. Find happiness in your own bubble.
My hubby is real estate and im a teacher!
I hear you. Communication is vital but every story is different and theres no one size fits all answer.
Find happiness in yourself, this is what im working on.
I feel like I could have written this.
I went through similar, however we decided to still live together separated and not split the family up.
We did 2 years of it, and my mental health suffered .
The kids picked up on what was going on, even though we didn’t argue in front of them - kids are perceptive and will pick up on every missed hug and kiss between mum and dad. They will pick up on mum and dad not laughing together or dancing in the kitchen.
You model what a marriage should be, and I just thought “if my kids were in this situation, what advice would I give them?”
Ultimately we decided to end it and I just felt relief when we decided it.
The kids took it hard, but they are ok now. They say kids are resilient, but they are also forgiving.
Parents need to be happy for the kids to be happy.