Checking out of life and marriage

I have been married to my husband over 12 years, we have 2 children (one together and another from a previous DV relationship) we’re both under 35yrs. I guess I’ve always felt like my husband has been distant and checks out of life but lately I’ve been noticing it a lot more, I feel like there is situations where I feel totally unsupported by him and a lot of his time is taken up on his phone watching videos or playing games when he is home from work I made him see a doctor a few years back who said he doesn’t have any mental health issues and just enjoys what he likes doing…which is not a lot. Most of the duties around the house are usually shared but I feel when it comes to our children 14, and 10 he just checks out. They can repeatably say ‘dad’, ‘dad’ and he ignores them because he’s so engaged in his phone or TV. Sex does not appeal to me anymore and he just will not let it go, he masturbates every night he’s away from home and complains when he’s home he gets ‘more at work’ then he does from his wife. I’ve always liked saving cash for emergencies but he’s constantly getting things and tells me to get the cash from the safe and pay for it, recently I was looking for the key to the windows in his bedside draw and found a huge stash of money that he’s been keeping secret, I asked him about it and he got angry and said he never has money and he wants to do something for himself. I sided with him and said okay, I too like to save my money and someday do something for myself but I’ve been struggling with the bills that I have no cash savings anymore it would have been nice if you could have contributed. After he came home the cash was moved, and his friends have said a few times wait until you see what he brought himself so I asked him. He said nothing, he didn’t buy anything. Time will tell. Recently we had a situation where our eldest was bullied so bad police got involved, he didn’t say anything, didn’t talk to the police, with my insistence I asked if he would please speak with our daughter and he wouldn’t talk to her about it because he didn’t know what to say and just went and played Nintendo with our other child. I guess I’ve checked out on him as well, I don’t really know what I’m asking but I feel like I’m done trying and being ignored all the times I’ve tried to speak with him he ignores me and won’t even respond to anything and every time it does a 360 and I’m the problem. I think I’m at the point that it’s easier not to say nothing and let it go.