I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 1/2 years. We have only just recently moved in. I have two kids and he also has two kids.
His daughter, 12, who is absolutely beautiful and incredibly intelligent, I feel has an eating problem.
She can’t stop eating. She sees a person eat and she feels she has to eat. She’ll eat a big breakfast, and could eat another big meal an hour later. She eats very fast and has thrown up from eating so much. BBQ’s, she eats 2-3 sausages in bread, a chicken burger and potato salad. I’ve tried to have gentle conversations with my partner about it. She has apparently always been this way. It’s extremely tough as it is a very sensitive topic.
She is over weight for her age, however she is tall. 5ft 10 and weighs around 90+ kg. I worry for her for when she starts high school.
Her mother is all about “big is also beautiful” and yes, I agree that all women are beautiful. But for me, it’s the health side. I know this is up to my partner and his ex wife to sort out together. But she feels there is nothing wrong.
If something happens to my partners daughter I’m going to be devastated and feel guilty.
His kids are only with us 4 nights a fortnight so there’s not much we can do in the little time she is with us. My heart breaks as she is already being bullied at school (grade 6).
This girl has been there for me and my kids. She has formed such a beautiful friendship with my daughter. We are truly blessed to have her in our lives.
I don’t want to lose her.
Thank you for listening ❤️
9 Replies
Only recently moved in.
Please step mum, stay out of it.
It's so nice that you're concerned. It is a sensitive topic especially coming from the new step mum. I would steer away from saying anything and instead just lead by example. Healthy meals and snacks. Steer clear of the big breakfasts and BBQs while she's there. Be the future support person, when she decides she wants to change how she's eating she might come to you.
If we have a bbq my kids would easily eat 3 snags, a burger patty and some salad, maybe more! - they're all a healthy weight, probably on the skinnier side of healthy tbh.
My 12 year old eats as much as her dad, kids develop and grow pretty rapidly at this age so don't underestimate how hungry they get!
If you're genuinely concerned though, maybe just make some minor household changes like providing nutritious snacks options, being mindful of portion sizes when cooking and encouraging being active as a family.
My kids all pudged up and ate with all those hormones starting to go crazy. Hit high school and a growth spurt and now I sometimes worry about how thin they are even though they eat so much. I have watched them all do the same thing. So without saying a word, set the example by having fruit salad ready at the end of the school day or offering healthy options. Never plant the seed around weight.
It may also be that she is eating because she is feeling anxious and it may settle down after a while. Sounds like lots of changes happening around her.
I think most of the people commenting are missing the 'over 90kg' part, a little bit past normal chub before a growth spurt. This is a very large 12 year old and her parents should be doing more.
I commented above, I didn't miss anything. I just know as step mum OP doesn't have a lot of pull here and weight/eating issues are a very delicate topic with teen girls so she needs to tread carefully!
Also, 90kgs at 5 foot 10 doesn't necessarily indicate a "very large" 12 year old, she may only be 15/20 kgs off a healthy weight at that height, which would probably drop off quite quickly with some very simple lifestyle changes. OP very much can encourage some healthier eating habits for the whole family and a bit of activity.
I am 5 foot 6 and I am 90kgs, I am a size 18. I'm a full grown woman so I have massive boobs and hips and bum. I don't think a 12 year old would have all that yet. 90kgs is huge for a 12 year old no matter how much you want to argue it, that's a fact. Even if she was a whole foot taller.
I notice if my girls start to put on weight and then I tell myself to keep my mouth shut. My girls hate their stepmother for commenting on their weight. They will never forgive her. Both my girls are in the healthy weight range but it fluctuates. My answer is to emotionally check in and see how they are. Their weight is often a reflection of stress/comfort eating to deal with whatever is going on.
We have girls as young as 6 and possibly younger with eating disorders. Avoid that all together. I always say it is about health, never about size.
I girl I looked after had a miscommunication in her brain (the part telling you you're full didn't work) didn't matter whether it was healthy foods or unhealthy foods she would over it never knowing when she was full.
had to have locks on fridge, freezer & cupboards so she could only eat what she was given.
having the weight loss surgery bands in her late teens helped but there had been times where she would end up sick from overeating.
it's heartbreaking to watch.
I would be investigating it further.