Struggling with marriage...

Hi ladies I need to offload but also I need some advice and support with how to handle this situation.

I have been with my husband for almost 12 years. We have one child under 2 and another on the way due any week now.

My husband and I are complete opposites where he's very introverted whereas I sit between both introverted and extroverted. I'm not very outgoing but can enjoy a good yarn and share some aspects of my life and views, yet i also thoroughly enjoy solitude.

The problem has been building over the years in how these differences are becoming more paramount where he has been making it quite clear how he just wants me to "shut the fuck up". (his words).
It doesn't seem to make a great deal of difference with what I have been doing - giving space (even though he can never give me a specific time frame) which i do stuff up sometimes which isn't deliberate, and giving him opportunity to do some of his favourite activities while I'm at home with the little one.

I have even changed many aspects of who I am over the years to suit his needs such as refraining from alcohol (he doesn't agree with it even though his siblings are casual drinkers yet not excessive); not wearing my favourite perfume because "it stinks"; and he even dislikes some of my friends so I've avoided inviting them home (and this was even before our current child).

I've actually been struggling with all these things for quite some time. Feeling myself deflating with confidence in many ways. I have loaded the weight on and even once attempted to take my life which he has since said he wished I achieved, and should "make sure I do it properly next time!" I was mortified and felt myself spiralling down all over again.

He called me a "fat arse" earlier this year shortly before we discovered we were expecting again. Yet he has never spoken this way to his sisters and mother who are also quite large.

So even though he apologised, even now ( 6 mths down the track) lovemaking is an effort for me. My heart is so heavy over all the hurt and him succumbing to this remark about my body.

I have been to a counsellor who was very concerned for me and had worked closely to keep me afloat, but expenses are so tight and I've had to forfeit the sessions so we can pay bills and buy food.

Then I discovered we were expecting our little baby. I had mixed feelings but was also so happy because they actually saved my life. I sensed I was pregnant even though it wasn't certain and worked at keeping myself focused on the possibility I was as well as focusing on my dear little one.

I have a violent family history whereas his family are extremely different. And even when my siblings make hurtful and abusive remarks he never comes to my defence. Instead he thinks I should just say nothing and take it.
This is where I attempted to take my life around 2009. And yet he still doesn't see how painful the experience was for me even today.

He is more concerned about his own reputation than standing by my side during my family battles. He is a strong advocate for people (many being women) in his workplace; and shows immense respect and time for his friends, especially the chatty ones. Never appears worn out by them no matter how long he has been interacting with them. And he's quite elated in the car on the way home too.
And yet when I try to interact he shuts down and tells me to "shut the fuck up!"

For these combined painful reasons, I don't see my family much at all. That means not even my nieces and nephews. Seeing my family unfortunately means constant remarks and behaviour which means more pain and writhing over comments in my head over and over.

My husband has had it good with his family. No conditions and no abuse. The relationship with his family is peaceful. And despite their differences, they always support each other.

He also treats our child beautifully allowing them to chatter and demand his attention. I did question him directly on how he'd be with kids in the picture with noise and chaos, which he didn't answer. However so far he has been managing quite well.

And yet all he says to me is to "get over my family issues". I know this is an indication of someone who has no clue about family abuse and the ongoing struggles.

It hurts to no end but I have no support from anywhere. What makes it harder is when he reminds me of how much I am like my family, despite me trying to be different and make different choices in life. There's no credit. In fact it all comes flooding back and I'm scared shitless that I'm going to damage our kids (which he has said before). I think about that a lot.

It's so hard knowing how to cope with this. I am all alone.

I did open up to a close friend who ended up telling her whole family and friends despite me stating the confidentiality factor which she acknowledged.

Trust has always been a hard thing but with the betrayal of a husband and close friend, i don't know where to turn. And I don't want to have to always pay someone to listen and be a support. I find it hard to open up about these things now.

I don't even want to bombard people and leave them feeling as I do, so I withhold and withdraw.

I have begged my husband to join me for counselling to which he states it's not for him. And that I need it and if I change things will only be better.

He stated he reads his own material and is content with it.
What's hard to understand is that he can be so kind and sweet and tell me how much he loves me, and yet react the way I have described.

I feel so so alone and I'm so incredibly
grateful for this page.

I need to keep strong and hopeful that he will get the light globe moment. I even ask in my heart that I can become a better person.
I am so lost; angry; contained and so deeply misunderstood. And I think he may feel this way too, and yet still refuses to help me understand.

Any introverts who can shed some light please?
Any support groups in Melbourne (I live near Croydon/Ringwood) that can be recommended; or even online courses I could do from home considering I have a little one.

I'm not looking for advice re divorce even though i did attempt a separation 5 years ago which he refused to. And now with the kids I don't want it to be the only option.
Believe me I have considered it but I want to make this work, and I realise sometimes it takes one of the two to get the ball rolling.

I am so desperate.

Thanks ladies, i will take it all in but please be kind.